


that old feeling

by barkingyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, graphic smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4730822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barkingyeol/pseuds/barkingyeol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a winter blizzard knocks out the power from the city, Sehun is forced to find refuge at the neighbor’s house. Alternatively, the one time when Chanyeol finally stops wearing black and Sehun stays for breakfast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Actually just a really long one-shot. Pardon for typos and random grammatical errors. Originally witten for halcyonboys.

Sehun has dropped the LED flashlight exactly four times from the short distance of the storage room to his bedroom, totally blaming it on the mind numbing coldness that has overtaken the apartment ever since the electricity and consecutively, the electric heater, decided to stop working. Sehun grumbles bitterly while examining the flashlight, thankfully still working. If he were to be completely honest, actually, it’s what he intends to do with the flashlight that causes his heart to beat like crazy, worsening his already throbbing headache and effectively depriving him of sufficient motor control. But being honest with himself has never been one of Sehun’s best qualities anyway, so it’s the cold really, and has absolutely nothing to do with a certain neighbor whose bedroom is across from his.

The snowstorm started relatively calmly that late afternoon, to be expected from January weather. But when the night approached, a blizzard of great proportions blew throughout Seoul, subsequently knocking out the electricity in most parts of the residential areas. Under normal circumstances, spending a blizzardy night alone isn’t something Sehun would be so worried about. Thanks to his self-proclaimed frigophobic mother, the family apartment is thoroughly equipped with automatic floor heating. Which is also why even at the age of 21, Oh Sehun still lives with his parents. But needless to say, without the electricity on his aid, Sehun isn’t even sure how he can survive through the night.

Sehun, just like his mother, has harbored a fiery hatred towards the winter season for as long as he can remember. His super metabolism, also inherited from his mother, prevents him from storing ample amount of fat to fend against the cold, making him painfully sensitive to even the slightest change in weather conditions. Especially now without the much needed support from the floor heater, Sehun can feel the temperature dropping in an alarmingly fast rate, and it's scaring the life out of him.

He really should have gone on that month-long trip to Hawaii with his parents last week, If not for the dance recital next Saturday afternoon holding him back. Being a responsible student sucks. Or rather, being Sehun sucks.

Sehun’s ultimate option to ensure survival for the time being, as suggested by his (awful) best friend Kim Jongin on the phone earlier, is to take refuge at the neighbor’s apartment next door, where lives alone, in Sehun's mother's adoring words, a very fine and handsome young man. Sehun, for reasons he's reluctant to reveal especially to Jongin, very much loathes the idea. But Jongin being Jongin (read: awful), just had to drop an untimely and universally not funny joke about the possibility of seeing Sehun's lifeless body down at the morgue the next morning. Sehun almost cried over that.

Having at least the decency to feel remotely bad after hearing Sehun's trembling voice, Jongin had then offered a more practical plan on how he thought Sehun should try to approach the neighbor. "Given that you’re that scared of him," Jongin had begun, in which Sehun protested right away, “I’m not scared! I just don’t want to impose!” but was shot down nonchalantly by Jongin, “Same thing. Anyway, if you’re that scared to _impose_ on him, how about flashing him with a flashlight then? See how he reacts first. If he welcomes it, might as well welcome you to his house, right? What do you think? Do you have one around?"

Sehun wanted to say yes, he got a flashlight somewhere in the apartment, but no, he couldn't follow Jongin's logic, no, it wouldn't work, and no! It's not that simple! But Jongin had abruptly ended the phone call when his toy poodles barked for their owner's attention. Leaving Sehun, washed over by waves of panic after Jongin had hung up on him, and even more so when he saw his phone's battery level hitting a low 6%, hence making another phone call back to the said best friend impossible, with just one terrifying solution on hand:

the neighbor.

To get things straight, Sehun isn’t scared of the neighbor, at least not in the way Jongin had implied that he was. For all he might have come across as, Sehun is neither a timid nor a shy person. Behind his usually placid (arguably bitchy) resting face, resides a boy with bubbly personality; always the one initiating friendly conversations and never shying away from strangers.

But this neighbor, _this_ neighbor is a whole different story.

Sehun has tried to rack his brain for an alternative solution, one that does not involve him getting killed by going out there on the blizzard, to no avail. Instead, everything points back to that one neighbor. Someone Sehun (especially his mother) is actually acquainted with, who's possibly not a serial killer, who lives on the same building, on the same the floor even, and who Sehun knows for sure owns a fireplace. All in all a perfect choice, if not for the fact that Sehun still thinks seeking help from this one neighbor is really, really a bad idea.

But as they always say, desperate times call for desperate measures. And since, _no, thanks, Jongin_ , Sehun really doesn't want to end up in a morgue, he decides to forsake his pride and give Jongin’s idea a try, however dumb it is (actually rather smart given the situation, but he would never admit that).

And so that’s how Sehun ended up rummaging the storage room for a flashlight, dropping it multiple times while running back to his room, having a sudden brilliant idea when he saw a black marker pen lying idly by his study table, before dragging a chair to sit next to the window, bundled head to toe with layers of blankets, fidgeting and contemplating his life (and friendship) choices while waiting for a chance to catch the neighbor’s attention from behind the window.

Admittedly it’s not the most fool-proof plan anyone could come up with, ever. The possibility of it being a total failure might cost Sehun his life, in a lot of ways. But at least it’s a safe plan; safe as in Sehun can quickly hide and pretend he has not just irritated the neighbor with his LED flashlight, in case Chan–the neighbor goes berserk at the sight of him. Totally unfavorable but clearly not impossible considering their _history_.

If, however, just like Jongin had said, the neighbor welcomes Sehun's approach even in the slightest civil manner, Sehun will take his chance to advance further, and this is where the marker pen will play its part. Sehun gives the pen, placed strategically beside the flashlight on top of his bed just an arm’s reach away from where Sehun is sitting, a determined nod. He can do this. He has everything covered.

The blizzard has now gotten to a level where it’s both terrifying to watch as well as to hear. Sehun is especially bothered by how creepy the winds strangely sound, as if they’re whistling to each other from all directions, sending goosebumps down his spine.

Sehun also finds himself looking over his shoulder more often than he'd like, just in case. The room is eerily dark, and no one will ever know if something, _something_ , decides to keep him as unwanted company. Sehun shudders at the thought.

Seriously, if he turns blue before the neighbor appears, it'd be totally his own fault for scaring the shit of himself. He mentally scolds his over-imaginative self and tries to set his focus back onto his mission, the neighbor.

The neighbor, for some unknown reason has been leaving the curtain to his bedroom wide open since Sehun first noticed it that day, as if to mock him. Because yes, Sehun can see, amidst the sheets of heavy snow, there are candles lighting up (and possibly warming) the room. And also, yes, Sehun sort of wants to cry at the thought of a warm room, a stark contrast to his dark and unpleasantly chilling one. On top of if, it seems to Sehun that, unfortunately, the neighbor is keen on making things a lot more difficult by appearing nowhere near where he needs him to be. While Sehun is positively convinced his neighbor is currently in his house, he specifically needs the guy to be in his bedroom for Sehun's plan to work. Flashlights can only reach a certain distance, and the closest Sehun can think of is between their bedroom windows; something he would normally despise but can't help but feel thankful now. Spying on his neighbor is a lot easier when he doesn’t have to leave the comfort (although arguably lack thereof) of his bedroom.

Sehun looks up to check on his digital wall clock again; his phone has died on him a while ago, left abandoned on the desk. It’s roughly a quarter to eight in the evening. He’s been waiting for close to half an hour by the window with no real progress whatsoever. Sehun sighs disappointedly to himself, just how much longer he will have to endure this. The cold has started making him very sleepy, and from what he has learned from thriller movies, this is where the helpless protagonist starts dying, accompanied by sad orchestral music as BGM.

Sehun's eyebrows instantly knit in frustration, realizing he has once again fallen to his unnecessary imagination. _Damn it, Oh Sehun you only have one job! Stay focused!_

He brings his half frozen fingers to massage his temple. The headache is almost unbearable now, made worse partly by his self-induced stress on top of the cold. Sehun feels as if someone is passionately playing _gayageum_ using his cranial nerves as the strings. He doesn't even need to look at a mirror to know the veins on his forehead are visibly throbbing, bluish green against his pale complexion. Sehun should really help himself to an aspirin from the kitchen. Except, he can't afford to leave his spot. Not now. Not when his neighbor could appear anytime when Sehun's in the kitchen and cost him his only chance, leaving him with no choice but to go knock on the neighbor’s door and possibly die from embarrassment if the guy were to turn him down right to his face, _again_. No, thank you.

Sehun settles on just continuing to massage his temple, his scalp, his neck, and all the way down to his shoulders until he doesn't feel like dying anymore. Some of the blankets fall onto the floor in the process and when he notices, he picks them up and cuddles into them even tighter than before.

Sadly, there’s really nothing much he can do besides waiting for now, waiting and staring wistfully through the misty window.

Karma, he mutters under his breath.

For the past couple years or so, Sehun has dedicated himself to avoid having anything to do with Chanyeol in any possible way; even to the extent of refusing to call him by his name, referring to the guy as simply “the neighbor”. But not because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (read: Chanyeol) is an evil mastermind, or a criminal, or has done Sehun or the world anything worth plotting a war over. Not at all.

While it might be true to some extent, in all honesty, it’s really quite the opposite.

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

The thing about packing when it comes to Park Chanyeol is, it takes forever to finish. Five big suitcases all filled up and there are still so many things to pack. Rows and rows of countless clothes, hanging inside the tall shelves surrounding his spacious walk-in closet integrated into the bedroom. But Chanyeol is never one to lost perseverance. He has vowed to himself when he first started packing earlier this morning that not even a blizzard or even power outage will stop him. He shall fold each and every one, and arrange them neatly inside the suitcases (three more left for him to use wisely) down to the last piece, to the last _black_ piece of clothing.

Chanyeol puffs his cheeks in slight annoyance, taking a chunk of clothes from the shelves and dumping them, including himself, onto the carpeted floor. He starts taking off the hangers one by one, while wondering, why on earth everything he owns is black in color now. Black shirts, black pants, black jackets, black boots, black suits, black ties. His wardrobe is truly the very definition of gloomy and he hates himself for not having at least a bit of self-resistance when it comes to clothing choice. Every time he went out shopping, no matter how cool this white shirt looked, or how fit that blue shirt was with his body, he would always end up buying the black version of them. And the worst part is, he would only realize it after leaving the store, all too late and too ashamed of himself for yet again failing in buying something not black in color.

Chanyeol is pretty sure he used to own and wear colorful clothes though. Heck, he even wore pink before. Where did those shirts go? _Ah, yeah, Salvation Army_ , Chanyeol remembers, _of course_. Always getting uncontrollably giddy and wanting to donate something every single time he walks by their many many thrift stores all across Seoul. Chanyeol is, no pun intended, beyond salvation. He owes this habit to his mother and how since he was small, dinner would always be his most favorite _bossam_ at the end of every month if Chanyeol and his sister managed to save a good portion of their allowances to give for donation. The idea of “giving is caring” has been planted root deep into Chanyeol’s subconscious by his mother. Thank you, Mrs. Park.

He knows he should try donating the black shirts and replaces them with new, not-black shirts. Except he also knows he will need all the best of luck on that, for he is sure to end up buying the black ones if he attempts shopping by himself again. Bad habit dies hard. Or maybe he should just hire a fashion stylist like Jongdae has been trying to convince him to lately. Yeah, maybe he should do that. He will tell Jongdae later. The feisty singer will be delighted and more than happy to find him one.

Chanyeol smiles to himself contently. Life problem's solved, and just like that Chanyeol's mood brightens up significantly. He starts humming random tunes while folding his shirts and, _oh! OH!_ , an imaginary light bulb pops above Chanyeol's head. His mind starts vomiting words in rhymes about gloomy outfits and sad love story. _Lyrics!_ Chanyeol scrambles to get up and makes a run to the nightstand in his bedroom. He reaches for his notebook to quickly pen everything down.

Chanyeol is a creature of habit and this is one habit of his, that instead of costing money, it fills his savings enough for generations to come. He turns every event of his life into words, into lyrics, into aspirations for making music. He feels like Taylor Swift sometimes. Although Baekhyun (strongly) begs to differ. "You only write sad songs lately! You failure piece of overcooked rice!", Baekhyun once angrily pointed a finger at him after the ballad singer was forced to release a solo album entirely using sad songs Chanyeol had written. Although in his defense, Chanyeol really wouldn’t have guessed the producer would use all ten of his freshly written songs solely for Baekhyun. While the album was a huge success, needless to say Baekhyun refused to talk to him for one whole week.

It's an obsession. Chanyeol knows it's an obsession, and has tried to fix it. To write something else, or not to write at all, or scrap the papers right after he wrote on them. But it only got Chanyeol more restless and irritable over the time. And earned him a talk with Kyungsoo. “If you’re sad yet you start writing happy songs, I would actually be worried. So stop being stupid and denying whatever that is happening to you right now. What do you think Jongdae, Baekhyun, and I are for, if not for singing your crappy sad songs?” Chanyeol remembers staring at Kyungsoo in gratitude and awe before the shorter guy placed a strong jab on his gut and left Chanyeol writhing in pain on the floor by himself. Such a tough friendship.

Chanyeol finishes his notes about ten minutes and three pages later with a bitter smile stretching over his face. The notebook is back on the nightstand while Chanyeol is loosely flipping the pen in his fingers just because it calms him to do so. He sits there on the bed quietly, eyes flickering back and forth between the pen and the window in front of him.

Mrs. Oh came up to him the day before she and her husband left for Hawaii, asking if Chanyeol could keep an eye on her son while the couple are away. Chanyeol smiled and assured her that yes he would, because there's no way he would say no to the neighbor who’s been so kind to him since the day he first moved into his current apartment years ago. But Mrs. Oh doesn't know and doesn’t need to know all the complicated things that had happened between Chanyeol and her son. Let alone the fact that her son, Sehun, will never let Chanyeol keep an eye on him. While it's practically an impossible request to fulfill, with all factors being considered, putting her mind at ease was the least he thought he could do for the kind lady. And so he did exactly that.

It's been years since the last time Chanyeol saw Sehun in person, not just catching a glimpse of him from afar. And only when Mrs. Oh talked about her son that Chanyeol got an update on how Sehun was doing. If the middle-aged lady noticed the twinkle in Chanyeol's eyes every time, she didn’t say anything, simply returning his smile curiously.

When the building lost its electricity earlier that day, Chanyeol, after much thought, decided to leave the curtain to his bedroom open. Despite his built up worry over the neighbor's son, there’s little that he can do. He knows how much the younger boy hates the cold, but at the same time he also knows how much Sehun wouldn't appreciate Chanyeol knocking on his door to check on him, even if it's by his own mother's request. In the end Chanyeol did the best that he could do, sending an indirect invitation by having his curtain open. If Sehun ever needs help, he will know that Chanyeol is home, and has the means to keep him warm throughout the blizzard. To make his point clear, Chanyeol has strategically placed several lit-up candles in tin cases near the window for Sehun to see.

Fortunately (unfortunately), Sehun seems to be fending for himself just fine. That, or he's still stubbornly sticking to his stay-away-from-Chanyeol rule. It's been hours and the boy is still nowhere to be seen. Nothing of the unexpected to Chanyeol really, but doesn't mean it hurts any less. Chanyeol wonders for a second if Kyungsoo would smack him on the head and tell him to _stop being stupid_ again if he were here, and witnessing Chanyeol staring dejectedly at his neighbor's window across the building. If he cares to admit, he would rather suffer the pain caused by Kyungsoo's smack than having to endure the uncomfortable tightness in his heart.

Chanyeol walks toward the window after returning the pen to its place next to the notebook. This is sad. He shouldn't be doing this. After what had happened between him and Sehun, he should have known better. He shouldn't be hanging on foolish hopes. Not anymore.

Chanyeol reaches for the curtain. He let out a sigh, and was ready to shut it close, when a flash of light suddenly blinds his vision, causing him to step back slightly panicked. _What the heck?!_ He rubs his eyes irritatedly to gain his vision back, and when he does, he notices the light is now frantically hovering all over his body, as if begging for his attention. He watches with mild amusement, finding himself more curious than angry with each passing second, and more so when he realizes where the light is coming from.

Sehun’s window.

Chanyeol quickly brings his face closer to the window and squints to see more clearly. He’s sort of glad he's wearing his contacts right now, otherwise his bad eyesight would make what he's seeing right now appear even worse than it already is. To be honest, it’s a rather terrifying sight to behold; a blurry face surfacing on a misty window, accompanied by a violently shaking dot of light, seemingly originated from a flashlight held near the person’s face, pointing urgently at Chanyeol’s general direction.

Chanyeol feels as if his heartbeat stops when he finally catches the person’s face, _is that.. Sehun?_

He just stands there bewildered, eyes glued to Sehun and mind trying to decipher what his neighbor is trying to do or convey at all.

Sehun apparently is quick to take hints and doesn't waste his time to drop his message, or rather, his question. Again, if Chanyeol hadn’t noticed the guy being Sehun, he would totally be petrified by now. The younger boy is either trying to reach out to him or scaring the shit out of Chanyeol with his way-too-creative means of communication. It's almost like a scene taken straight from a horror movie—words very slowly written out using a black thick marker pen on Sehun’s misty window. Chanyeol’s breath hitches when a question mark appear at the very last.

_Can I come over?_

Chanyeol recites the question inside his head and takes a step back to give himself a space to think, still not quite believing what he has seen. All horror movie jokes aside, is Sehun really, did Sehun really just ask if he could come over? As in to Chanyeol’s apartment? Like, right now??

When Chanyeol decided to open his curtain for Sehun to see earlier today, he knew there would be two possible outcomes; one of them being the very unlikely scenario where Sehun takes up on his offer. And yet now it's that exact outcome with arguably zero possibility that has unfolded before him. Chanyeol isn’t even sure he’s ready for this kind of plot twist, especially after years getting used to Sehun's silent treatment. But it only takes another glance to Sehun's pleading face comically pressed almost flat on the window glasses for all Chanyeol's doubtful thoughts to fly out of the window, and is quickly replaced by eagerness to answer his neighbor’s call for help.

In one swift motion, Chanyeol grabs the pen on his notebook and scribbles something on the window. To his horror, nothing comes up, the ink doesn't stay on his window glasses. (Why did he even decide to use stain-free glasses for all of his windows??) Chanyeol groans in frustration and discards the pen right away to use his finger instead. Not planning to give up just yet, Chanyeol starts blowing hot air onto the tip of his index finger and then drags it along the cold window, forming a big letter Y. When he brings himself forward to look closer again to check, much to his disappointment Sehun is nowhere to be seen. Chanyeol knits his eyebrows in worry. Has Sehun seen it at all? Has Sehun taken the message as what Chanyeol intends it to be? A yes.

Fortunately, Chanyeol's questions get their answers when not even a minute later he can hear hasty knocks being made on his door, hopefully by Sehun. Chanyeol springs toward the door but stops himself right in front of it to regulate his breath and calm his nerves down. Because, finally, Chanyeol wants to scream from the top of his lung, _FINALLY!!_

He’s been waiting for this since forever, for Sehun to come to him on his own accord. And God knows how ecstatic he is right now. His mind and body throbbing in uncontrollable excitement. He knows though that there's no way he can’t let the younger know see this side of him. He has an image to uphold in front of Sehun. The kind, calm, mature, and composed version of him. And so he told himself to answer the door and ask what Sehun needs from him, calmly, before welcoming the latter into his apartment, all without losing his shit and starts making a fool of himself. So yes, a very calm Park Chanyeol finally braves himself to open the door.

Only to find no one is standing there.

_What?_

Chanyeol slowly closes the door back. Was he hallucinating? Was he really hallucinating about Sehun wanting to come over to his place? Has Chanyeol's sanity finally given up on him? Has he unknowingly starred in a horror movie all along? Or is this a candid camera prank? Will Baekhyun appear with a whole filming crew? Or is this just a really bad nightmare? Chanyeol literally facepalms. Maybe he should give Jongdae a call for a chat or two. Maybe vaguely tell the other guy about this whole thing and get lightly scolded, bringing Chanyeol back to reality before he turns completely insane.

Chanyeol sighs for one last time, but has only managed to turn on his heels when another loud knock is heard again, followed by couples more urgent knocks that almost rhymes. At first they’re loud, but then it gets weaker and weaker. And when it stops completely, Chanyeol is alarmed. He quickly opens the door, and this time he finally finds his guest standing before him, the one he's been expecting all along.

Sehun.


	2. Chapter 2

Sehun is shivering. He’s wearing several layers of colorful coats, but is still very much shivering, and looking very distressed. His lips are almost blue and his eyes are looking everywhere except at Chanyeol.

"Um," Sehun mutters nervously when Chanyeol does nothing but stares at him quietly. "I was just.. I went out without my shoes so I had to go back. I'm really sorry. I don't mean to interrupt you or anything I just,"

Still without saying anything, but looking visibly amused, Chanyeol steps to the side and gestures for Sehun to come in.

Sehun immediately walks inside, while sputtering words uncontrollably, "I really don't want to impose, but my parents are away in Hawaii and our heater isn't working and Jongin convinced me it's a good idea to bother you. I'm really sorry. But really, I don’t want to impose and if you don’t want me here, you can just-" Sehun stops abruptly when he feels a sudden extra weight on his shoulder.

Chanyeol has draped a blanket over him, his lips stretched into a warm smile. "Hi, Sehun," he says softly.

Sehun feels his face heating up. He replies timidly, "Hi, Chanyeol."

"Go sit near the fireplace," Chanyeol tells him and disappears into the kitchen without waiting for Sehun to reply.

Sehun watches warily before making careful steps towards the fireplace; his eyes can't stop wondering around, unconsciously taking up every details of the room. Unlike Sehun's minimalistic one, Chanyeol's apartment has many furniture and personal belongings scattered all over the place. Some that catche Sehun's eyes are the numerous Joseon styled paintings on the wall. He never knew Chanyeol liked these kind of paintings. They look expensive and old, the kind Sehun has only ever seen at the art museum. At the other side of the room a big open cabinet occupies almost the whole wall. Sitting neatly on it are framed old pictures of people Sehun doesn't recognize or can't properly see, vast selection of books and curiously a jar of paper cranes. The apartment feels like a whole different world. One that Sehun had never imagined Chanyeol would live in. The Chanyeol he knew, would live in.

And of course there's the fireplace, the highlight of the room. Sehun hastily takes off his winter coats to get rid of the coldness that’s still practically radiating from them, leaving only a white cotton hoodie on top of his long sleeves shirt. Wrapped in Chanyeol's blanket, he makes himself comfortable on the big leather couch facing the fireplace. Letting out a fully content sigh before closing his eyes and basking in the happiness that is the warmth coming from the constantly burning modern fireplace, a bliss to his frozen skin. Sehun feels so accomplished. His mission is a success. He is now safe and warm, with his headache loosening up as well. Everything feels so good.

Chanyeol returns five minutes later with a mug of hot chocolate in his hand to find Sehun dozing off on his couch, cuddling into his blanket. He internally squeals at the sight, but just a second later feels a painful tug on his heart; afterall Sehun isn't here for him, he's here for the fireplace.

"Sehun," Chanyeol taps on his shoulder to wake the younger up. When Sehun doesn't budge, thinking the aromatic smell of a hot chocolate will appeal to his sense, Chanyeol brings the mug closer to Sehun's nose, and whispers to him, "Sehun-ah, wake up." Which, unfortunately, proves to be a really terrible mistake.

On the cue of Chanyeol telling Sehun to wake up, the younger's eyes snap open and Sehun goes into an instant panic mode when he finds Chanyeol's face only inches away from him. He springs up to stand, knocking Chanyeol to fall backward and inevitably causing the latter to lose his grip on the mug. Sehun's panic stricken face turns pale in horror when he sees the aftermath of his action. Most of the mug's content has spilled all over Sehun's hoodie, pants, the blanket and most importantly Chanyeol's ivory fur carpet.

They stay silent in their respective position, too stunned to move. Sehun standing up while Chanyeol sitting on the floor after falling down butt first.

Sehun is utterly embarrassed of himself. He doesn’t even have the courage to raise his head. The hot chocolate has started sipping into his jeans, making contact with his skin with burning sensation. But Sehun doesn’t really notice that, not when the heat on his face is far more unbearable.

When Chanyeol finally stands on his feet, Sehun automatically goes into a self-defense pose. He scrunches his eyes and whole body, preparing to receive any possible blows, both physically and verbally. But nothing of such comes. Instead, Chanyeol quickly disappears again into the kitchen. And Sehun's mind goes into panic mode, again, _Chanyeol is going to get a knife to kill me!_ This is definitely one of those times when Sehun falls victim to his own wild and nonsensical imagination, yet again. Caused by combination of panic, exhaustion, shame, and fear, without thinking clearly, he quickly grabs as many of his coats as he can reach from the floor and tries to make a run towards the door.

"Sehun?"

Chanyeol isn't sure whether to laugh or to cry when he returns with paper towels on his hands only to find Sehun awkwardly freezing in front of the door.

Sehun simply wishes he could vanish into thin air that very moment.

But as if he hasn't seen anything, Chanyeol resumes his way to where his mug of hot chocolate has met its tragic end. He picks the mug up and places it carefully on top of the coffee table beside the couch, and continues to absorb as much liquid as he can off the carpet using paper towels.

"I didn’t know you wanted to leave that badly," Chanyeol says without looking up. "Actually, now I’m wondering why you decided to come to me in the first place, if you hate me that much." The anger in Chanyeol's tone doesn't escape Sehun's ears, but he’s too scared to say anything in return. "It's not like I was the one who forced you to come here, you know. I was just trying to help." Chanyeol gathers all the soaked paper towels in his hands and stands up. When he catches Sehun looking at him, he offers a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "But I can offer you another hot chocolate if you want before you leave. You looked like death when I opened the door for you."

Chanyeol walks, almost runs, back to the kitchen without waiting for Sehun to respond. Or actually, he doesn't want to hear it at all. Half too angry, and half too afraid of what the younger might say.

After disposing the towels, Chanyeol bends over the sink to start washing his hands with soap. And might have consciously left his hands under the cold running water a little bit too long even after they're all clean. He watches his hands turning a couple shades redder almost absentmindedly, doesn't even make a move when the cold starts causing him pain. Physical pain lessen emotional one, he tells himself. And maybe, maybe this way he can get over the surge of negative emotions faster, at least this time around. Because if there's anything he wants to avoid the most right now, it's to lose himself in yet another unpleasant feeling of disappointment and anger towards Sehun, and possibly towards himself. But he knows it's a futile attempt, when he notices and quickly wipes off with the back of his hand, the moist prickling hot in his eyes

Because the fact is, Sehun is trying to run away from him, _again_. Not exactly how he had imagined nor ever wished their reunion would be like.

After he has managed to calm himself down and doesn’t feel like ripping his hair out anymore, Chanyeol returns to the living room. Sehun still hasn't moved from where Chanyeol had left him, head hung low and eyes fixed on the floor. The younger boy visibly flinches when he sees Chanyeol is back in the room again, but dares not to say nor do anything to acknowledge his presence in fear of upsetting him even further. Unfortunately, it rubs on Chanyeol the exactly wrong way. With anger still hasn’t dissipated completely, Chanyeol is about to say something passive-aggressively sarcastic, before a quiet sob catches his attention.

And just like that Chanyeol's anger melts away. Sehun has always had that effect on him.

"You can stay here tonight,” Chanyeol says, making sure to sound as welcoming as possible. “And stop looking so scared, I won't eat you. Let's sit on the couch there," he pushes Sehun's shoulder gently from the back, not forgetting to put a smile in case Sehun sees him from the corner of his eyes. Sehun obeys and Chanyeol makes him sit when they reach the couch before leaving to roll up the soiled carpet.

"My sister won't like this," Chanyeol fakes an exaggerated upset tone, "I have promised her this carpet. She's coming to pick it up in a few days. She's going to kill me." Despite his words, Chanyeol's laugh giveaways his teasing. "Oh, well. I didn't promise to keep it clean or to pay for the dry cleaning, so. We can't have all the nice things all the time, can we?" Chanyeol turns to look at Sehun, who has stopped sobbing, but is still as tensed as ever.

When Sehun raises his face, Chanyeol gives him a sympathetic smiles and Sehun manages a noncommittal small nod. 

Happy with the response he's getting, Chanyeol claps his hand loudly, "Except for hot chocolate! I really should make you another one! You won't regret it, I promise! It’d be the best hot chocolate you’ll ever have!" He exclaims excitedly and gets on his feet, leaving the rolled carpet abandoned on the floor.

Sehun isn't sure how to respond to that and drops his eyes right away to avoid Chanyeol's expecting stare. Chanyeol sighs a little and goes to stand in front of him, "Stop admiring the floor and talk to me?" Despite Chanyeol’s effort to sound cheerful, it still sounds intimidating to Sehun, making the younger sinks into the couch even more. Sehun isn't even that much smaller than Chanyeol but he looks like he wants to curl up into himself and disappear, or makes himself so small Chanyeol won't notice he's there. Chanyeol frowns on that.

Claiming Sehun’s attention back is truly a hard work. Chanyeol groans internally before deciding he should be more aggressive in his effort. Without warning, he launches forward, grabs Sehun by his shoulder, and shakes him rather harshly, causing the younger to flinch and look up to his assaulter. "I told you to stop looking scared. You won't talk to me, you hardly even listen to me. I feel hurt." Chanyeol puts on a pout and it seems to do the trick as Sehun starts frantically finding words to prove Chanyeol wrong, but found none, thus looking like he's having another panic attack instead.

Chanyeol lets go of Sehun's shoulder and raises his hand as a sign of defeat immediately. "Wait, wait! Calm down! I was just kidding, I'm sorry." Sehun just looks more distressed than ever now. _Great move, Park Chanyeol_ , he chided himself. "I was just kidding. I'm not upset with you, okay," Chanyeol tries to soften his tone, to talk slower, and adds a wide grin for extra assurance.

Sehun finally looks like he's ready to say something in return so Chanyeol waits for him patiently.

"You," Sehun starts. Chanyeol nods in encouragement. "You have a sister," Sehun hesitantly finishes, sounding more like a statement than a question.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows shoot up, surprised by Sehun’s sudden random observation. He wasn’t expecting that, but apparently neither does Sehun. The younger has brought his hands to cover his own face, regretting ever saying anything.

Chanyeol thinks that he really should take offense at how Sehun only realized Chanyeol has a sister just now, and that it’s totally ridiculous of him to find Sehun looking embarrassed as adorable at this point. The smile blooming on his face, however, tells a different story.

He nods, trying not to show too much of his emotion, whichever it is, "Yes, and now you know."

Despite the awkward and rather unfortunate turn of events on Sehun’s behalf, Chanyeol doesn't plan to let him dwell any longer in his self-induced stress.

"Let's go get you a change of clothes first," Chanyeol motions Sehun to get up and gives him a once over. "It must be uncomfortable for you to be covered with chocolate. Come with me, I'll give you some clothes to change into. Come on, come on! Get up!" Chanyeol claps again excitedly, turning on his heels.

Sehun finds himself trailing after Chanyeol almost immediately, not wanting to upset the owner of the house any further.

Sehun has been in Chanyeol's apartment before, a long time ago, but has never seen most of it. While the layout is almost identical to the Oh’s, Chanyeol’s apartment has been heavily modified to suit his needs. Sehun is basically in awe when Chanyeol leads him into his walk-in closet inside his bedroom, exactly where Sehun’s father’s mini library is located back home. The perks of living alone, lavishly, Sehun sighs wistfully.

Chanyeol pushes aside all the luggage in the room to make more space for him and Sehun, not noticing Sehun's curious look over them.

"I don't have that many clothes for you to choose from," Chanyeol starts by browsing through his wardrobe, scanning them quickly one by one. "Well I mean I do have a lot of clohes but there's only black in here as you can see. But I can give you another hoodie similar to yours. Are you wearing another shirt under it? Did it get dirty too?"

Sehun is too caught up looking around that he doesn't realize Chanyeol is waiting for his answer.

"Sehun?" Chanyeol pats him on the arm and Sehun jerks away, almost exaggeratedly.

Chanyeol chuckles at that, "If you don't stop ignoring me, I would think you want me to touch you to get answers every time I ask a question. Or that’s actually what you’re aiming at?"

Sehun almost forgot how much of a tease his neighbor is. He simply shakes his head, a tight-lipped smile decorating his face.

"It's okay to talk to me you know, like you used to," Chanyeol says, looking awfully sad, "Am I scaring you that much? I feel like I always scare the hell out of you, all the time," he trails off.

Sehun feels uncomfortable guilt creeping up on him and his brain is screaming for him to offer the older guy an apology, but completely misses his timing as Chanyeol, who doesn't want to let the awkward atmosphere to drag any longer because of what he perceives as Sehun’s unenthusiastic response or lack thereof, clears his throat, picks a black hoodie with matching black training pants and shoves them to Sehun.

“Here, take these and go change at the bathroom,” He spins Sehun around and pushes him towards the bathroom, another extension connected to his bedroom, not noticing the apologetic look Sehun tries to give him at all.

But Chanyeol halts right before Sehun's hand reaches the door knob, “Wait! I forgot to ask.”

Sehun turns to him with a questioning look.

"Do you need clean underwear too?”, Chanyeol asks with a serious face.

Heaven forbid Sehun wants to punch the grin off Chanyeol’s face so badly but could only resort to running into the bathroom and quickly locks the door. The teasing bastard is still laughing like a maniac.

Sehun right away runs for the mirror to check on his own face. Damnit. No wonder Chanyeol is laughing so much at him; he's flushing red all the way to his ears. Sehun feels like failure. Not even half an hour since he has stepped inside Chanyeol’s apartment and he already caused a ruckus. On top of it, he missed his timing to apologize again and again; whether it’s because he’s too busy cursing himself, sobbing out of frustration, or too nervous to say anything to Chanyeol. It’s really a miracle Chanyeol hasn’t kicked him out at all, which Sehun is really thankful for. Despite his attempt to run away earlier, he can’t imagine going back to his cold apartment, and possibly dying there alone.

Sehun totally didn’t expect Chanyeol to be this nice after everything. He teases Sehun here and there, but is still really very nice. Sehun feels like crying again, because fuck, it hurts instead to have Chanyeol forgive his little antics that fast. The older even gave Sehun a set of clean clothes to change into. Is this really the Chanyeol he’s known from back then? Sehun stares at the pair of black clothes in his hand; it’s by Chrome Hearts. Yeah, it’s definitely the same Chanyeol. The same warm and forgiving Chanyeol, with expensive wardrobe, stable job, and now a lavish and even warm apartment during a blizzardy night even without electricity. It’s also almost unfair that even Chanyeol’s bathroom is warmer than Sehun’s bedroom. There's at least a candle in a glass case placed on every corner of the bathroom. In fact, Sehun is pretty sure there are at least ten in each room in that apartment. Jongin was right, Chanyeol’s apartment is Sehun’s key to survive the night. He really should behave better and try not to upset Chanyeol anymore. And most importantly, not to miss his timing to apologize again. Chanyeol is forgiving, but Sehun isn't a jerk either. Taking advantage of the other's kindness is the last thing he would ever want to do.

The chocolate didn’t seep through into his white long sleeve shirt, or his underwear, thankfully, so Sehun only needs to change his hoodie and jeans, which is good, and bad at the same time. He's in the middle of sliding into the hoodie when the unexpected happened; Chanyeol’s faint body scent lingering on it brings back a shitload of memories with it. Sehun freezes.

It’s definitely not from the detergent. Sehun knows for sure it’s not. It’s Chanyeol’s body scent. He remembers it, or rather, his body remembers it. His cheeks feel hot again. Which one is more shameful really? The fact that his brain still remembers how Chanyeol smells? Or how even after years, his body still reacts to it in the most embarrassing way possible?

Sehun steps off his pants and sees his growing bulge. His heart skips a little faster and a burning sensation spreads through his stomach. By poor judgement, Sehun almost thoughtlessly reaches down before a knock jolts him out of it. He retracts his hands instantly, ashamed of himself.

“Are you done yet? Don’t take too long, it’s cold inside there!” Chanyeol’s voice sounds genuinely worried from the other side of the door and Sehun feels terrible for being caught up in his own shameful fantasy, triggered solely by Chanyeol’s scent. He curses his hormones and quickly puts on the new set of training pants. _Behave, Oh Sehun!_

When Sehun walks out of the bathroom, he finds Chanyeol sitting on the bed, folding clothes; an open luggage case on his side. It’s been bothering Sehun since the first time he saw it inside the walk-in closet, so he musters enough courage to ask, eyeing Chanyeol curiously, “Are you going somewhere?”

Chanyeol only smiles softly, continues to fold until the pile is neatly stacked on the side. And only then Chanyeol finally turns his attention to Sehun to reply, “I’m going to London for work soon. I haven’t had the time to pack before so I’d been packing before you came.” His eyes venture to the window, “But in this kind of weather we might have to push it for another day. Hopefully Jongdae won’t mind.”

Jongdae. It’s a name Sehun is familiar with. One of Chanyeol’s close friends Sehun had had an unfortunate encounter with before, not that Chanyeol needs to know.

Sehun follows Chanyeol’s eyes and sees his own window-slash-embarrassing writing across the building. Sehun wants to claw his eyes out. The embarrassment, however, is quickly replaced by a memory of him waking up in the morning and looking at his own window from this very room, terrified.

Not knowing what has made Sehun looking so tensed, yet not liking how the mood seems to go awry, again, Chanyeol springs up from his bed in a beat. He grabs Sehun by his wrist and proceeds to drag him towards the kitchen, chirping happily to distract the younger boy, “Now now, let’s make you another hot chocolate!”

Sehun is still not saying anything even when they’re in the kitchen, merely standing around. His neighbor is indeed planning to make another hot chocolate for Sehun, busying himself with the preparation. Sehun wonders if it’s just a coincidence or Chanyeol still remembers chocolate is Sehun’s favorite flavor for everything and anything.

He watches as Chanyeol takes out a box of Hershey’s classic hot cocoa from the pantry, and is surprised when he gets a glimpse of the monstrous amount of cocoa powder boxes by the same brand. But just when Sehun is about to peer further, Chanyeol notices and closes door rather hurriedly. If Chanyeol notices Sehun's questioning look, he seems to ignore it, choosing to move to the kitchen island and pretends like nothing has happened. Sehun follows him but can't help to wonder why Chanyeol has to try to hide the content of his pantry from him. It's not like Chanyeol's cooking hobby is something Sehun is unaware of, after all Chanyeol goes to baking classes with Sehun's mother. Sehun remembers going agape when his mother told him about it, while presenting him Chanyeol's freshly baked handmade cookies then made Sehun ate them all, because _'It's your favorite and Chanyeol's the best at making them!'_ Sehun's mother was right, and Sehun might have cried a little, for various reasons.

It's fun watching Chanyeol in the kitchen. The older guy seems really comfortable there, like he's spent a good portion of his time making food and practicing his magic there. But when Chanyeol adds a dash of table salt into the chocolate powder mix on a medium size saucepan, Sehun almost shrieks in horror, “Why did you put salt into the mix??”

Taken aback, Chanyeol looks at him quizzically.

Sehun clears his throat and tries to rephrase his sentence to sound more polite, “I mean, I didn’t know making hot chocolate requires salt. I thought it’s just Hershey’s with hot water. Not… complicated like this.” He gestures to all the extra stuff Chanyeol has prepared on the side to add to the mix.

“Because you never made one yourself?” Chanyeol smirks, “Your mom told me you’ve never even stepped inside the kitchen.”

Sehun presses his lips together, trying not to look too affected by the teasing. It’s sadly, the truth.

Chanyeol smiles fondly at him before explaining, “The one I’m using now is just a cocoa powder. It’s not a hot chocolate mix so I need to put sugar and other stuff, like salt. Salt enhances the flavor. And before you say, air quote, I didn’t know, it’s okay, now you know. Oh! Hey! You learn a lot about stuff you didn’t know before today!”

Before Sehun can stop himself, his palm flies to hit Chanyeol on the arm. When he realized what he’s done, Sehun's eyes go comically wide in shock. He stares at Chanyeol in horor, waiting for the other’s reaction. Chanyeol, thankfully, doesn’t seem to take it as an offense and only laughs at him in amusement. Sehun breathes a sigh of relief, secretly cursing himself on the side.

Chanyeol adds one spoonful of sugar, two, and stops at the third, causing Sehun to knits his eyebrows. Sehun likes it sweet. “Can you add more sugar?” Sehun asks, almost meekly.

Chanyeol turns to look at him, and simply says, “No,” in a decisive tone.

Sehun sighs dejectedly, but tries his luck again, “Even if just one more spoon?”

“It’d be sweet enough for you, I promise.”

“But I like sweet. I need more sugar, more calories. I need to gain more weight.” Sehun tries his best not to sound too whiny, but fails miserably. Seriously, self-control is hard when Chanyeol is so indulging

Chanyeol smiles sympathetically at him, knowing fully the extent of Sehun’s insecurities and problems with his thin body, and how hard it’s been for Sehun to gain even a little of weight. “I know you like sweets, but you want to gain more flesh and muscle, not fat. Sugar doesn’t make you meaty; it makes your brain works slower and makes you sleepy. You’re too young to spend your days sleeping.”

“You’re one to speak,” Sehun sulks quietly, making quick glances to see if it's okay for him to continue. Chanyeol’s staring at him, mildly amused, and expectant. “I saw your army of Hershey’s boxes inside your pantry there, you must eat a lot more sugar than I do,” Sehun challenges, feeling a little bit more daring.

“I crave,” Chanyeol says nonchalantly, “I crave for chocolate, but I can’t eat chocolate other than Hershey’s chocolate drinks. Can’t help it.”

“But you made a lot of chocolate cookies!” Sehun exclaims, thoroughly confused.

Chanyeol avoids his eyes, “I sent them to your house, didn’t I?”

“You’re obsessed with chocolate more than I am, but in a whole different level,” Sehun says almost accusingly.

Chanyeol stares at him, eyes soft and longing, if Sehun isn’t imagining things. Chanyeol looks as if he’s about to say something, but ends up only making a quick dry laugh, shifting his focus back on the chocolate mix. Sehun tries not to read too much into it.

When the mix is done, Chanyeol adds water into the saucepan. He takes out the mini gas stove from inside the cabinet below him, places it on top of the kitchen island, and turns it on. Sehun lets out an audible “Ah~” as it is his first time seeing a portable stove. Chanyeol smiles proudly while stirring slowly, “When you live alone,” he says, “you have to be ready for everything.”

Sehun only replies with a noncommittal nod, leaving the part about him not planning to live alone any time soon unsaid.

“I haven’t asked, by the way, have you had dinner?” Chanyeol gives Sehun a nudge on the elbow. “It’s almost nine, do you want me to fix some dinner for you? Are you hungry yet?”

Sehun blinks and says as a matter-of-factly, “I don’t eat dinner.”

To which Chanyeol responds with a scandalized look, “And you dared telling me you tried gaining weight?”

“I said I tried,” Sehun shrugs, “Also, that doesn’t mean I eat dinner.”

“But dinner is important! I’ll make you something!”

Sehun throws a confused, slightly judging look at Chanyeol, “We don’t have electricity but why do I feel like it doesn’t bother you even just a bit? Also there’s nothing much we can make with just a small stove like this.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, “Have faith in me, little Oh.” He lowers the heat on the stove and pulls a heavy looking styrofoam box from under the dining table. Sehun hadn’t even noticed there’s one in the room. “Be impressed!” Chanyeol exclaims proudly, revealing a wide selection of sausages and bacons, as well as, not surprisingly, bottles of fresh cow milk Sehun can recognize immediately as they subscribe to the same milk delivery service. But it’s the thick layer of snow surrounding the inner side of the box that catches Sehun’s attention, cold smokes radiates from it to keep box’s content stay cold.

Sehun is definitely more than impressed now, he’s speechless, “How do you..?”

Chanyeol takes out one bottle of milk, “I went out earlier to collect the snow. It keeps my food fresh when the fridge is taking a day off.” He blinks innocently when Sehun stares at him in disbelieve, “What? I watch Discovery Channel’s How To Survive. You have to admit it’s a great show.”

Sehun doesn’t watch TV that much to know if such a show actually exists, so he just nods.

"Still think I'm not capable of serving you a decent meal?" Chanyeol wriggles his eyebrows.

Sehun sighs, “You’re beyond me.”

Chanyeol only laughs good-naturedly in response, pouring the milk onto the saucepan and then putting it back inside the styrofoam before pushing the box back under the table.

Sehun mumbles thoughtfully to himself, he has left the milk inside the fridge. Will it go bad? Great. His mom will definitely scold him for abandoning their house like that. Did he even lock the door?

Chanyeol pours a bit of liquid vanilla and the sweet smell interrupts Sehun’s thoughts, bringing an instant smile to his face. Chanyeol stirs for another minute and pours the hot chocolate drinks evenly into two mugs, one for each of them. He holds one on both hand and makes a curtsy, “Your hot chocolate is ready, your majesty,” but continues with a serious face, “But please be careful not to spill it over again this time, I don’t have any more expensive fur carpet to contain it.”

Sehun lets out a defiant huff, while considering again if this is a good timing to make an apology that Chanyeol has brought it up. But seeing how Chanyeol can’t stop laughing from ear to ear, Sehun doesn’t think he can apologize without sounding like it’s done out of spite. He sighs. Chanyeol is a champ at teasing, and Sehun is just really bad at timings.

Sehun picks up one of the mugs carefully, securing his grip on the handle then looks up at Chanyeol for approval. Chanyeol gives him a thumbs up, and starts cleaning up, storing everything back to their original places. Chanyeol is so efficient at cleaning, before Sehun knows it, the kitchen looks as neat and as clean as it was before they came to make hot chocolate. When Chanyeol catches Sehun looking astonished, he grins, satisfied with himself.

They return to the living room with their own mugs on hand. Chanyeol starts pushing the heavy leather sofa closer to the fireplace so they can warm themselves better, the tragic fur carpet has been moved somewhere. Sehun, unsure what to do, just stands there watching over Chanyeol doing all the work by himself.

“Aren’t you going to help me?” Chanyeol asks, sounding more like a mere question than a demand for help.

Sehun taps his fingers on the mug and replies with a faked innocence, “I don’t want to accidentally make more damage to your stuff so...”

Chanyeol narrows his eyes, “You smart little shit.”

Sehun bites his inner cheeks to hide a smug smile, trying not to look too happy that he has successfully exchanged a playful banter with Chanyeol. Besides, let it be his little revenge for that extra spoon of sugar Chanyeol denied him.

Who would have guessed just an hour ago Sehun had attempted an escape from Chanyeol’s apartment, thinking Chanyeol would try to kill him for spilling hot chocolate all over the carpet. Sehun’s stupidity amazes even himself sometimes. Not only has Chanyeol accepted him into his apartment with no questions asked, his neighbor has provided the warmth Sehun desperately needs, patiently helped Sehun to calm down from his panic attack, and on top of it making it so easy for Sehun to get comfortable being his usual self around Chanyeol again.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says suddenly. The hell with timings, it's now or never.

Chanyeol ventures a confused look at him, “For?”

“For making your uncomfortable, for spilling the hot chocolate, dirtying your rug, invading your space, borrowing your clothes, being rude to you, trying to–”

“Sehun-ah,” Chanyeol reaches for Sehun’s wrist, “I’d say you should stop there. Or else you would have to go on for hours. The list is too long, my hot chocolate will be cold by the time you finish.”

The smile Chanyeol gives despite his playful words is so reassuring that Sehun can’t help but to feel relieved.

It must be his wistful thinking, but Sehun also feels as if they’re now back to what they were before.

As if the only memories left between them are the good ones.

As if everything is long forgotten and forgiven.

As if Sehun and Chanyeol had never hurt each other so badly before.

As if these past two years they hadn’t played hide and seek with each other.


	3. Chapter 3

It was January exactly two years ago. Sehun was turning nineteen in a matter of months and had just received his acceptance letter from Korea National University of Arts, The School of Dance, that morning. His parents were away on one of their winter trips to the Bahamas. Sehun’s older brother, the ever so eccentric and free spirited guy, was somewhere around the Tibetan mountains with his hiking buddies. Sharing the news with them wasn’t possible just yet at that time.

So naturally the first call Sehun made was to Jongin, his best friend. Kim Jongin, just a few months older, but Sehun's senior according to the school year system, was already doing his first year at the same dance school. The boy dubbed as "dance prodigy" was scouted during their high school art festival week in senior year. Sehun was there dancing beside Jongin, was there to lend a pinch on his cheek, and told him that yes, it's not a dream.

It was a life changing event for Jongin and Sehun alike. Because for the first time, both boys realized that dancing could be a profession, that dancing, his and Jongin's shared passion, is something they could do for a living. Jongin eventually joined the ballet faculty, and the school surprisingly decided to offer Sehun a place in the modern dance faculty’s admission shortlist by Jongin's recommendation; on conditions that Sehun graduated high school with a certain grade and managed to convince his lawyer father. When the offer was first made, the headmaster had expressed his concern because Sehun was supposed to study law in university, as his father had especially asked the school’s cooperation in guiding Sehun on the track. Sehun, being mostly obedient throughout his teenage years, had thought he had absolutely no say on the matter.

Until the offer from The School of Dance came along.

And so there began Sehun's one hell of a year, juggling between scoring almost perfect marks on every school test and attending intensive modern dance lesson at a famous studio every other day to prepare him for the rigorous selection process to enroll at his dream school. Even during summer holiday Sehun would spend all his days either at home studying or at the studio. Sehun’s mother, always the more supportive one, had relentlessly put in good words for her second son and his unyielding determination in front of Sehun’s father. And so for once, his father eventually gave in and signed the consent paper.

But needless to say, the process Sehun had to fight through is not a walk in the park. He had to make sure his dance was perfect in every way by practicing twice as harder and as longer as any of his peers. Not just once Sehun had collapsed in front of his apartment door, sometimes the building's, after a rigorous dance practice running late into the night. Not just once Sehun had found himself waking up on his bed not remembering how he even got there. And not just once Sehun had thought of giving up, if not for Jongin's constant encouraging-slash-nagging phone calls every weekend for Sehun to quickly come and join him in his own hell named university life.

The high-pitched scream of excitement Jongin made over the phone when Sehun delivered the news of his acceptance into the modern dance faculty brought a victorious smirk to Sehun’s face. Sehun then smugly invited Jongin to go out clubbing to celebrate it. Sehun’s senior from the dance studio, Minseok, had promised him a guest-list spot to one of Seoul high-end clubs if Sehun passed the entrance exam. Sehun planned to take up Minseok on his promise and wanted Jongin to come with him. Jongin readily agreed to the invitation and promised to meet up with him that Saturday night.

Except Jongin didn’t come, and the call was made only after Sehun had arrived at the place Minseok had told him to go to. Jongin tried to profusely apologize. The lead ballerino for their upcoming recital had unexpectedly hurt himself and Jongin was urgently called to fill in his place. Sehun understood that it’s an important opportunity for Jongin to make a name for himself. As much as he wanted to fret over his best friend for not keeping his promise, Sehun couldn’t bring himself to be that selfish by adding to the already overwhelming pressure on Jongin. “Break a leg or I will break your leg!” was what he told Jongin before ending the call without waiting for the other's reply. A couple minutes later Jongin sent another apology message, accompanied by a selca of him making puppy eyes. Sehun deleted the message, and the photo at once.

Rumor had it, only the most affluent people were granted access to join the party held every Saturday night running from before midnight until the break of dawn at Club Ninety Nine. No one really knew how to get invited or where to ask about the ever so exclusive club. Even those who somehow managed to locate its whereabouts couldn't go past security if they weren't part of the regulars. All in all, it wasn’t a place a high-schooler without high standing social status like Sehun could enter so easily.

Sehun being Sehun though, had no idea what, or where, he's getting into and had knocked on the tall metal door without any burdening thoughts. He showed the drawing on his upper hand Minseok had taught him to draw with silver marker pen to the security who answered the door, and was immediately granted the access to enter the club.

It was Sehun’s first time ever in a club, and he swore himself for it to be the last. He was absolutely sure he did not like it at all. Right after he entered the room, he was mortified to see a large crowd of people dancing to loud music. He was then immediately dragged by unknown men and women, presumably older than him, into the middle of the room, and was forcefully made to dance along the music. At some point a girl was grinding herself onto his front and it had freaked him out. Sehun only managed to escape the crowd half an hour later, pressing his back onto the wall in a lesser crowded area, trying to avoid any more unwanted body contact with anyone in the room. Enough emotional scar for the night.

His eyes were frantically scanning the crowded room to find the exit door, and went a little (maybe a lot) panic when he couldn't find one. He stopped, however, when a loud thundering voice claimed his, and everyone’s attention. As it turned out, there a rap battle was about to start on the stage near the DJ booth. The emcee, and later one of the rappers, a tall and stunningly handsome guy, caught Sehun’s eyes as overwhelmingly as his voice had caught his ears. Sehun found himself staring at the guy whose voice so deep, smile so full of confidence, and raps so impressive, he forgot about escaping the club at all.

At first Sehun thought it was accidental, when the emcee-slash-rapper guy's eyes met his own eyes in the middle of the performance. But when it happened for the second, third, fourth and so on-nth time, and Sehun started to think otherwise. He tried moving spots, but the guy found him almost immediately, as if his big and sparkly, kohl rimmed eyes were glued to Sehun all the time. When the battle was coming to an end, and the guy was just blatantly staring at him, Sehun decided to run away. Sehun swore the guy looked like he was angry and was so ready to jump off the stage and strangle Sehun right then and right there if he hadn’t escaped. Honestly it was really frightening.

Sehun's first clubbing trip ended in less than an hour. He was thoroughly traumatized and swore to God, Minseok would pay for this.

Minseok, four years older than Sehun, a final year Economics student who took up dancing as a hobby, laughed so hard when Sehun came to him a couple of days later throwing a tantrum. "Wait, wait, what?" he asked, tearing up from laughing too much.

"He's haunting me! Oh God, it's all your fault, hyung!" Sehun threw his used towel towards Minseok.

"Hold on. Chanyeol could be creepy sometimes but I don't think he can detach his spirit to haunt you though?"

"Hyung! You're not getting the point here! Every time I close my eyes I can see that Chanyeol, or whatever that creepy guy's name is, staring at me. He wants to kill me! What have I done to deserve this! I don't even know him! Is he trying to do some weird voodoo on me? What if he's really trying to kill me?? What should I do, hyung? I just got accepted into the university!!"

"You're such a drama queen, Sehun-ah." Minseok shook his head. "There are a couple things you can do. First, stop watching horror movies, you're getting more mental by the day." Sehun was about to protest but Minseok raised a finger to stop him, "Listen! Second, Chanyeol is one of the nicest dongsaeng I've ever known and he has really pretty eyes, you should look at him from closer. There's no other way, Sehun-ah. You're going back to the club. Go there this Thursday, when it’s less crowded. They will let you in."

Sehun spent the next fifteen minutes complaining and declining Minseok's suggestion (that sounded more like an order to him), yet found himself standing in front of a familiar metal door when Thursday night arrived. He had granted himself a break from dance lessons that night, because really, that creepy guy was still haunting him even in his dreams now! And no, no matter how much Minseok tried to convince him, Sehun _wasn’t_ crushing on him.

Before Sehun could make that knock, a small window on the door was slammed open, taking him by surprise. The security Sehun recognized from last Saturday peeked over. “You’re here”, he said as a matter-of-factly and opened the door for Sehun.

The club, unlike the first time Sehun came to visit, was almost empty. The layout was fairly different from what Sehun had remembered as well. There wasn’t any stage or DJ booth, there wasn’t any loud music or sparkling disco ball on the ceiling. Only couples occupying round sofas secluded from each other, having intimate time while talking and enjoying their cocktails. For a second Sehun had thought he’s in the wrong club. But the deep voice that came from behind the bar unmistakably belonged to the person Sehun was looking for, “It’s lazy Thursday night. Would you care for some drinks? It’s on the house.”

Sehun took a seat by the bar, eyes not once leaving the bartender in front of him who’s still tending to the drinks. “These are not for you though,” the guy looked up with a smile and damn, Sehun was smitten. Minseok was right, he had the prettiest eye shape Sehun had ever laid his eyes upon. The guy's hair was styled up, accentuating his perfectly sculpted forehead and nose, on smooth, unblemished skin, without any trace of makeup. The plain white shirt he’s wearing only added to the angelic look he’s sporting that night. Sehun absolutely refused to be accused of exaggerating in his description but really, the guy who had been occupying his mind for days simply looked ethereal under the soft bar light. Sehun couldn’t stop himself from staring. And only until a waiter came to pick up the drinks that Sehun could finally break away from his bedazzled state.

“My name is Park Chanyeol, and I’m so sorry for scaring you off last time when you were here,” the bartender introduced himself to Sehun, looking genuinely apologetic.

Sehun shook his head, “Oh Sehun, and no it wasn’t you really. I just, it was my first time to a club so I was just overwhelmed.”

Chanyeol looked like he was pleasantly surprised to hear that from Sehun, as if he had been expecting Sehun to throw a fit instead.

“You were an emcee and a rapper before. Now you’re a bartender?” Sehun asked curiously.

Chanyeol leaned forward, placed his elbows on the bar and looked at Sehun with equally curious eyes, “Yes I was an emcee and a rapper before and I’m a bartender now as you can see.”

Sehun unconsciously leaned back to keep his distance from Chanyeol and when Chanyeol realized the stunned look of Sehun’s face he returned to his original position, “Ah, sorry. I tend to get excited too easily. I wasn’t expecting you here tonight.”

“Y-yeah, I wasn’t expecting me here too tonight,” Sehun replied wryly. Why would Chanyeol expect him there, or get excited at all? Sehun was the least exciting person to look at, at least according to Jongin.

“It was a mistake to come on a Saturday night apparently,” Sehun tried to change their topic.

“For a first-timer, yeah,” Chanyeol nodded sympathetically. “We have different settings for each night. Thursday night is for lazy lounge. Great for couples.” If Sehun noticed the slight twitch in Chanyeol’s right eye when he smiled obnoxiously wide at the word _couples_ , he didn’t press further.

“Virgin Mojito?” Chanyeol offered when he caught Sehun’s eyes wandering to the rows of gin and tonics behind him.

Sehun felt offended right away, “Do I not look old enough to drink cocktails?”

“If you mean you look mature and handsome, yes you do. But I still won’t make you cocktails until you turned nineteen.” Chanyeol crossed his armed against his chest. His decision was resolute.

Sehun tried to ignore the blush creeping up his cheek and made a pout instead, “Did Minseok told you my age? But I’m turning nineteen soon!”

“I shall make you non-virgin mojito soon then.”

Sehun admittedly hadn’t laughed that hard for the past one year or even longer. It’s so lame but so endearing coming from Chanyeol. Sehun thought he had definitely gone crazy.

In the end Sehun only had lemon soda. A refreshing drink for a refreshing night with a refreshing pretty boy, Chanyeol had claimed, referring to himself. Sehun successfully fought the urge to literally facepalm.

Their conversation flowed effortlessly from there. Sehun found Chanyeol to be pleasantly easy to talk to. Chanyeol, apparently was only two years older than Sehun, but opted not to attend formal education at any university after graduating high school. Instead, he self-taught himself various musical instruments and had started composing songs recently. His job at the club is a full-time position, given generously by a dear friend of his. _Boss_ , as Chanyeol called the owner of the club, had basically left the club on his care, only coming every once in a while to check up on him. “He let me do anything I want here! Anything I want to try. The best boss in the world!” Chanyeol said with a proud grin. Sehun told him he’s lucky, Chanyeol thought so too. Sehun then mentioned Chanyeol’s rap battle the other night and praised him for it. Sehun could never rap that well even if he tried, not with the lisp he’s been struggling against for years. Chanyeol offered him another round of lemon soda and words of encouragement, “You will overcome it one day and have a rap battle against me!” Sehun beamed at the promise.

Sehun in turn shared about his recent acceptance to The School of Dance at Korea National University of Arts. Chanyeol immediately showered him with congratulations and words of praise. Sehun bashfully thanked him. Chanyeol continue to fawn over the fact that Sehun was on his way to be a professional dancer. Chanyeol’s friends were mostly aspiring singers, and dancing was the last on their set of skills. Chanyeol himself, too tall and stiff to move his body, danced like _a drunk person trying to avenge the murder of his cat_ , as worded by a certain sharp tongue friend with kittenish smile of his. Sehun wasn’t sure what that supposed to mean, but had nodded sympathetically anyway.

“It’s cool to have a dancer friend!” Chanyeol exclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes.

It was pretty. Chanyeol looked pretty. And Sehun was in love, and feeling a little daring. “But maybe I don’t want to be considered as just a friend,” he jokingly flirted with a wink.

And that’s where Chanyeol’s leaned forward from across the bar, grabbed the back of Sehun's neck and kissed him square on the lips. Chanyeol licked his own lips afterwards. He didn't let go of his hold, face still dangerously close to Sehun's, leaving hot breath against Sehun’s lips. His voice so low it sent shivers down Sehun’s spine, “I agree, after all a crush might be more appropriate to refer to you,” and dropped his eyes to Sehun’s lips before claiming them again. Sehun returned the kiss, almost as eagerly.

Sehun returned to Club Ninety Nine many many times after that. He obtained a permanent pass after Chanyeol introduced him to the security team, or bouncers as they called them.

Some nights Chanyeol was again the DJ. Some nights he showed off his mixing skill at the bar. Some night he played the piano while singing romantic songs. Some nights he led another rap battle. Some nights he’s just a regular patron, enjoying music and lounging around, or making out with Sehun in his private room on the second floor.

But on most nights they just spent talking about anything and everything, laughing and bantering like a couple of old friends. Sehun would make fun of Chanyeol’s colorful clothes, unfit for a night club, he had said. Chanyeol would retaliate by saying he hated Sehun's seemingly endless collection of black shirts and tried to strip him of them. They would wrestle with each other and laugh at each other tirelessly.

They spent the night of Sehun’s nineteenth birthday together and Chanyeol made him the promised mojito cocktail, complete with a flashy bartending show. Drunk Sehun apparently talked non-stop and was a kissing monster. Chanyeol couldn't stop laughing.

Chanyeol’s confident and assuring smile lured Sehun into an intoxicating love, but it was the way he treated Sehun so preciously that completely swept him off his feet. Sehun enjoyed watching Chanyeol performed on stage, but he enjoyed putting on private dance shows for Chanyeol even more. He would sometimes try giving him a lap dance but Chanyeol made him stop whenever the older was close to getting hard. Sehun was young and eager to please him, but Chanyeol didn't want to take advantage. He held Sehun delicately like a lover and would place butterfly kisses all over him. And that's when Sehun was reminded again and again, Chanyeol really loved and cherished him.

Chanyeol became Sehun’s escape place when the pressure to keep up with the intense competition at the university got unbearable. When the pressure he unexpectedly got from his friendship and inescapable competition with Jongin, where everyone always put Sehun up to the same standard as Jongin, started weighing him down. Sehun always tried to keep it as a secret from his best friend, knowing exactly things weren’t any easier for Jongin. Being labeled as a prodigy was a huge burden by itself. But being labeled as the prodigy’s best friend was a less than thrilling experience as well.

At the end of the day, Sehun always had Chanyeol to run to for comfort. Chanyeol who never put pressure on him, never asked for more and only took as much as what Sehun was willing to give. Chanyeol who would pat his hair, hug him, and whisper sweet nothings when Sehun sniffled against Chanyeol’s designer shirt, uncaring even if it’s ruined. Chanyeol who would patiently help Sehun gain back his confidence by basking him with unwavering adoration and encouragement, just like a dedicated fan he was.

They never put a name for whatever they had between them. Sehun never asked and Chanyeol never pressed. Sehun never peered into Chanyeol's life and Chanyeol never peered into his. And it was comfortable for both of them, or at least for Sehun. Chanyeol being his secret; hidden away from his friends, from Jongin, from his family, and his normal day life. And it seemed to him Chanyeol didn’t mind as well, continuously pampering Sehun with love and attention.

And Sehun liked it. He secretly wished that it would never end, for Chanyeol to be his little secret forever, detached from his increasingly depressing real life. And everything was going great.

Until that one night when Sehun decided to come home with Chanyeol and make love to him.

Until Sehun woke up in Chanyeol’s bed, terrified to see his own bedroom window from across the building. Terrified to see the reality of their relationship laid before his eyes. To see that Chanyeol might not be a secret Sehun thought he was keeping to himself after all.

And in the midst of panicking, Sehun did what he knew best.

He ran away.

Sehun was nineteen, and broke the heart of the person whom he loved and had loved him the most.

Sehun was nineteen, and helplessly stupid.


	4. Chapter 4

“So? What do you think?” Chanyeol crosses his arms against his chest, a smug smile flashes across his face.

Sehun gives him a full-blown smile, “This is great. Thank you.”

It catches Chanyeol by surprise. Sehun has just smiled, and thanked him. _What happened?_ He notices the subtle smile playing on Sehun’s lips as he watches the younger boy sliding under the blanket, making a contented sigh, and smiling to himself. Sehun smiles, _again_. Chanyeol momentarily wonders if his eyes are playing tricks on him, or if he’s fallen into one of his hallucinations again. Should he call Jongdae after all?

“Are you going to join me?” Sehun looks up at him, almost innocently. And it unconsciously brings a huge smile to Chanyeol's face. Sehun is warming up to him. Sehun smiles to him, Sehun welcomes him again. The Sehun he knew is back and it makes Chanyeol giddy with excitement. He slips into the blanket and settles beside Sehun, who on the other hand, after realizing what might have gone through Chanyeol's mind (the guy truly wears his heart on his sleeves), tries to look as not-flustered as possible.

The leather couch has been pulled out to form a makeshift bed after Chanyeol had argued it would be more comfortable for them that way. Sehun was skeptical at first. Being on the same bed with Chanyeol really doesn’t sound like a good idea to him. The growing tightness in his pants is the best example, the best _inappropriate_ example of why. But really, what can Sehun say, having a comfortable bed with stacks of blankets and pillows Chanyeol has brought out from his bedroom for them, laid before his eyes. Plus, he had promised himself to behave better. Complying with Chanyeol’s wish seems to be a good move for now. Chanyeol looks elated so Sehun must have been doing it right.

They sit side by side, sharing the same lump of blankets with a careful gap between them, not too close to bump on each other but not too far for it to be filled with cold air. It’s nice, and comfortable. They take their time to silently enjoy the hot chocolate from their respective mugs. Sehun hums blissfully every once in a while, and Chanyeol’s smile gets wider each time.

Sehun wonders, very very belatedly, if he should start calling Chanyeol "hyung" now. They had started right away as lovers and Sehun had never actually used honorifics when talking to him as per Chanyeol’s own request. But things are different between them now. Sehun wonders if Chanyeol will actually get offended if he does use "hyung" now. This is all so confusing and Sehun can't seem to decide. But in the end Sehun decides to just fuck it and stay as it is. Chanyeol could have called him out for it if he doesn't like not being talked to in honorifics. Plus the hot chocolate is too delicious to be ruined by mulling over such a thing.

“You were right,” Sehun says, lifting up his mug to emphasize his point, “This is the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had.”

When Chanyeol brings a pillow to his face and squeals into it, Sehun stares in confusion. “What are you doing?” Chanyeol doesn’t answer and only shakes his head, biting his bottom lip to keep another squeal from escaping.

“I never knew you had this side of you,” Sehun laughs, genuinely amused. He almost forgot how excitable Chanyeol is. How easy it is to please him.

“I like it when people compliment my cooking, well in this case my drinks,” Chanyeol finally admits, eyes fixed on the pillow.

Sehun seems to consider something for a while before telling Chanyeol, “If it makes you happy, I think your cookies are better than the ones my mom made.”

True to Sehun’s expectation, Chanyeol shoves his face onto the pillow once again. He looks shy and Sehun is beyond amused. Chanyeol has never looked shy before, at least in front of him. Sehun couldn’t help but wonder how could have he missed this cute side of Chanyeol before. And just how much more of him Sehun had missed out.

“How’s the club? Are you still working there?” Sehun’s question is a partial attempt to distract himself from chanting _"cute"_ , but it immediately backfires as he realizes what a risky topic it is. “If you don’t mind me asking at all,” he quickly adds.

Chanyeol on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind. He answers cheerfully, “Yeah, I still go there from time to time. But I don’t work there anymore. Minseok hyung has found a replacement to do my job so I can concentrate on making music and writing lyrics instead. I get paid from royalties now. It’s a nice job. I work from home.”

Sehun blinks, “What do you mean by Minseok hyung has found a replacement?”

Chanyeol blinks back at him, almost rapidly, not getting which part of it Sehun doesn't understand. “Like I told you? So I can use more of my time to work on other stuff?” When the confused frown on Sehun’s forehead still won’t disappear, Chanyeol offers another answer, “Because Minseok hyung owns the club? And was my boss?"

"You're shitting me."

“I wouldn’t.”

Sehun mentally slaps himself. Of course. Everything clicks now. How can he be so dense all these time? Of course Minseok is _that_ boss Chanyeol always talked about so proudly of and who according to Chanyeol, had treated him like his own brother.

"I really thought he'd told you before.” Chanyeol looks apologetic.

Well yeah Minseok might have, if he hadn't been so angry at Sehun. Sehun apparently has a knack for making everyone close to Chanyeol want to end him. Minseok being one of them. It’s almost sad how things have ended between them. Minseok was someone akin to Sehun’s mentor in that one year Sehun had spent almost everyday practicing at the studio before entering university. Minseok was a mentor and _a friend_.

"How's Minseok hyung doing?" Sehun asks quietly, and almost nervously.

Chanyeol, as fondly as he's always been when talking about this one hyung of his, starts pouring out information about Minseok unsuspectingly, "Hyung's doing fine. He’s currently busy expanding his business to China. Learning Chinese pretty diligently now. Actually, you don’t hear this from me but, he's pining for someone of the Chinese nationality among his friends. I'm not too sure which one though. My sister won't tell me. She only said it’s the prettiest one with sparkly eyes. But then she also said the person was her type as well. And my sister has a boyfriend, so I’m not really sure if we’re talking about a girl here. But yeah anyway, hyung’s been flying back and forth to Beijing these past months. I’d say his infatuation with everything Chinese recently is very cute. Except on Tuesday! Like seriously, he speaks only in Chinese on Tuesdays! And God knows what a disaster it is when you need him for urgent matters on Tuesday! I hope whoever he’s going after will return his feeling real soon. So we can put an end to all this madness for once and all!"

Sehun finds himself unconsciously smiling, without being quite sure whether it’s because of Minseok and his quirks, or because of Chanyeol. Listening to Chanyeol talking animatedly has a strangely calming effect on him.

"To be honest, I wouldn't have guessed Minseok hyung owns a club, moreover one like Club Ninety Nine." Sehun had then learned from his friends the exclusivity and prestige of the club, but nothing was shared with him about the owner. Until now that is.

"He started it as a gathering place for his high school friends,” Chanyeol tells him. “For them to play music, dance and talk and lounge around. They invited musicians, DJs and such. And then they started hosting parties there too. So naturally it turned into a club over the years. They have the money and fame to make it into a successful club. Minseok hyung's group of friends are what you can call, modern day, _yangban_."

Sehun raises his eyebrows at Chanyeol's supposedly mystery inducing tone in saying the word yangban, silently judging the older boy. "That's very," He steals a quick glance at Chanyeol’s collection of paintings on the wall. "Joseon mania of you. But there's a term for it now. It's called _chaebol_ ," mimicking Chanyeol's way of speech.

Chanyeol makes a mischievous grin and Sehun only shakes his head.

"Are you part of his _yangban_ group of friends then?" Sehun asks, still putting an emphasis on the word yangban.

"Nope. But my sister is."

Sehun hums in acknowledgement. That would be a yes.

"How's your school by the way?" Chanyeol asks in turn. "Everything's good?"

"Yeah. I manage. There's a dance recital in less than a week. Exactly why I couldn't join the trip to Hawaii with my parents. I pity me."

Chanyeol coos in sympathy. “For all the hardwork and sacrifices you’ve made, you’ll do great. I know you’ll do great.” Sehun nods and thanks him. He hopes so too.

After Sehun finishes his portion of hot chocolate, he gets up on his feet and walks to place his mug on the coffee table, away from the possibility of being knocked down to the floor again. When he turns his heel back to the sofa bed, he catches Chanyeol staring at him intently. Sehun suddenly feels extremely self-conscious even under his thick hoodie and loose training pants. He slips back to his seat on the couch and wraps more blankets around himself. Chanyeol’s eyes still haven’t left him even then.

“You’re so much taller now,” Chanyeol observes. “And your face is sharper too. Your shoulders are also broader than I remembered. I feel like I’ve missed out so much of you.” Chanyeol sounds almost sad but Sehun refuses to delude himself. Chanyeol is just feeling nostalgic. They haven’t talked or met for years, so of course Chanyeol is going to feel like that. Just like Sehun had his own nostalgic moments earlier. Definitely doesn't serve as a hint of any lingering old feelings they used to share.

“You’re still taller than me,” Sehun tries to reply cheerfully, albeit awkwardly.

“Don’t make it into a mission to grow taller than me, okay.” Chanyeol bumps his shoulder to Sehun’s. “I like seeing you from above. You look cuter from above.”

Sehun’s vision starts spinning. His headache is rushing back. Damn hyperactive blood vessels and his inability to control how his body reacts to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol immediately notices and is alarmed. “You okay?” And starts fussing over Sehun, “Somewhere hurts?”

My heart, Sehun wants to answer. But before he could do it against his better judgment, Chanyeol has grabbed him by the shoulder and turns him around, facing away from Chanyeol. Sehun is about to protest when he feels Chanyeol’s cold thumb massaging his nape. It sends a thrill of pleasure down his spine, and shamefully, all the way to _that_ sensitive body part of his as well. He eternally glad Chanyeol can’t see his madly reddening face right now.

A part of Sehun wants to shamefully moan when Chanyeol massages down along his spine. Even under layers of clothes, Sehun can feel Chanyeol’s burning touches on his skin. Definitely not just his exaggerated imagination. Chanyeol tells him to “try to stay relaxed.” Easy for you to say, hard for me to do, Sehun rolls his eyes and groans internally.

“Your back is really long and broad,” Chanyeol marvels. “I suppose mine is too but, I’m not that flexible to massage my own back so," he laughs. Totally oblivious to Sehun getting jittery under his touch and just keeps going on with the massage, “This feels good? How about this?” It’s a miracle Sehun could manage a nod in reply at all. The massage is a little too counterproductive to his liking.

“You remember my friends right? The ones I told you about. Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Baekhyun. They’re famous singers now,” Chanyeol starts. “I write for them almost exclusively lately.” Sehun doesn’t respond but yes, he knows that much. “Sometimes I had to accompany them to the recordings too, for moral support and all. They got stressed a lot when they couldn’t get into the feel. And when they’re on the verge of losing it I would give them massages like this. They like it a lot. They say I have magical hands.” Chanyeol wriggles his hands to the front for Sehun to see, bragging.

And _that_ , is something Sehun didn’t know about, and might never want to find out, ever, because now there’s an inevitable jealousy brewing inside him. Sehun is again glad Chanyeol can’t see his red, _and_ bitchy face.

“Here. Massage here.” Sehun reaches for Chanyeol’s hand and places it on top of his head. Chanyeol is pleasantly surprised by the sudden proactive action and complies immediately. After some time, Sehun makes a dissatisfied grunt and reaches for Chanyeol’s hand again, bringing it to his hip this time. “Now here.”

Chanyeol is now very, _very_ amused. “Are you, are you somehow jealous? That I said I gave my friends massages too?” he asks, arm sneaking around Sehun’s waist at the same time.

“Who?!” Sehun is clearly flustered but tries to cover it up by playing angry. “Me? Why would I? Never! I would never!” He swats Chanyeol’s arm away, to no avail. Chanyeol has pressed himself onto Sehun’s back and holds him in position.

“You talk really clearly now, I notice. When you're pissed off you used to stutter,” Chanyeol purposefully speaks with deeper, extra breathy voice. Completely aware of what it does to Sehun. “Your lisp is gone. Your mom told me you're working hard on therapy.” The red on the tip of Sehun’s ears brings him the satisfaction of knowing he still has that kind of effect on him. Oh, if only he knew.

Sehun doesn’t want to give up yet and tries his best to escape by pushing Chanyeol's arms off his waist. “It makes me sounds childish. Of course I have to get rid of it!”

“I’m glad you finally did. But I like it before though. It sounded like aegyo every time you speak. It’s really cute,” Chanyeol’s lips quirks up into a smile.

“You’re just saying that to tease me!”

“Who? Me?” Chanyeol brings his free hand to his chest for dramatic impact, “Why would I? I would never! Never ever!” making a point he’s mimicking Sehun’s protest earlier.

Sehun’s eyes widens in rage, “You!” and starts hitting Chanyeol violently. The latter fakes obnoxious cry of pain with every hit Sehun aims at him, but Sehun isn’t buying his act, stubbornly doing everything he can to break free. Partly because he’s pissed off at Chanyeol, but mostly because Chanyeol is literally breathing down his neck and clinging onto Sehun for dear life by now. Sehun feels like his heart would burst into bubbles if Chanyeol is to be this close to him any longer, and really, this isn't how Oh Sehun imagined his end to be.

But then of course, Sehun has to make that one big mistake of turning his face towards Chanyeol.

It’s arguably inevitable that Sehun’s lips end up meeting the corner of Chanyeol’s eye when he turns his head around; Chanyeol having put his chin on Sehun’s shoulder all along. It happens so fast Sehun could barely register anything else other than Chanyeol’s boisterous laugh that follows, without being able to shake Chanyeol’s hold off him. The poor boy doesn’t even have the energy to protest anymore, too embarrassed to even lift his face. They stay like that until Chanyeol’s laughter dies down and he relaxes against Sehun’s back again.

“You’re impossible,” Sehun grumbles.

Chanyeol snorts lightly in response, “And you’re still cute.”

“Stop saying I’m cute!”

“But why not? You’re cute!”

“Nevermind. I take it back. Stop talking at all.”

Chanyeol whines like a kicked puppy and Sehun is about to scold him for it when Chanyeol’s landline phone makes a beeping sound. There’s a call coming in.

“Ignore it,” Chanyeol simply says, too comfortable to move. Sehun does as told, the call isn’t for him anyway.

After beeping for almost a minute, the call goes into voicemail, and surprisingly a voice starts talking. _“Chanyeol-ah! Are you not home? I heard it’s snowing real bad there. You know there’s no Yeti in Seoul right? I’m just worried you decided it’s a good idea to go out there and hunt one. Anyway if you are, just make sure not to turn up dead, okay. I like it a lot here in London, I don’t want to return to Korea that soon. Also Kyungsoo wants to know if you and Jongdae can pick up a cab by yourselves when you arrive. Because me and him will go to the bar. Gotta pick up some fine ladies and get laid, if you know what I mean. HA HA HA. Well, yeah. That’s all. Bye!”_

It ends a little awkwardly so Chanyeol feels the need to explain to Sehun, “That… is Baekhyun. And he’s afraid of idea of sex, so he makes sure to make a joke about it on every single opportunity he gets. Defense mechanism they say. And don’t worry, he hates me. Like, he really, really hates me.”

Sehun hits Chanyeol’s arm lightly in protest, “Please stop implying that I’m jealous of your friends!”

“Because you’re not?”

“Because we’re not–,” Sehun’s sentence gets cut by another incoming beep on the phone, and he sorts of glad that it is. He’s not sure he’s ready to get there yet.

Chanyeol lets call go to the voicemail again. He’s pretty sure whoever it is now, the caller won’t leave him a voicemail. Not everyone is Baekhyun.

 _“Chanyeollie,”_ A slightly huskier and considerably calmer voice than Baekhyun’s says, and Chanyeol looks like he regrets life as soon as the voicemail starts recording. It's Kyungsoo. Sehun recognizes the voice right away, not that he wants to admit it to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo is, secretly, Sehun’s (and Jongin’s) favorite singer. They’re even, also secretly, members at one of Kyungsoo’s fan cafes. (Jongin is even a moderator at one, but no one needs to know about that.)

 _“Your mobile phone is out of service and you’re not picking up your home phone. Are you okay? Please don’t be stupid and go out to the snow, okay? You can’t be sick for the flight, it’d be hell for both you and Jongdae. I’m leaving a message because I honestly don’t trust Baek—of course not, Baekhyun, I just missed Chanyeol so I’m calling him myself. Yes, Baek, yes, of course I will miss you too if you’re away. No doubt about that. Now go back to the bacon, make sure it doesn't burn. Yes. Good boy.” _A pause and a sigh later, Kyungsoo continues,_ “Sorry, I was just speaking with Baek. Giving him a little… something to do before Jongdae comes and help me deal with him. But anyway, yeah, they accidentally scheduled a meeting with people from the recording company on the day you’re coming, so too bad, we can’t pick you up at the airport. Do you think you guys can get a cab by yourselves instead? I’ll make sure Jongdae has the address written out in full. Call me or text me when you got this message, okay? Let me know if you have something else in mind. Bye! See you soon!”_

Chanyeol lets out a relieved sigh, at least one of his friends is normal, aside from his BDSM tendency that is, not that Chanyeol wants to know more about that.

“You don’t have to explain really,” Sehun tells Chanyeol before the older could open his mouth. “You have caring friends. They all love you. What is there to explain?”

When Chanyeol makes a squeal out of joy in the back of his throat and buries his face into Sehun’s neck, Sehun almost chokes. He knows Chanyeol has always been a very touchy feely person, but _this_ , this is a special gesture. Sehun remembers it all too clearly he hates himself for it. It was a gesture they shared a lot where they were together. A silent call for when Chanyeol wanted Sehun's attention, for when Chanyeol wanted him, that is if Chanyeol remembers at all. It's a really intimate action and it's utterly confusing especially with the current state of their relationship because, all their friendly and teasing jokes aside, isn't Sehun the last person Chanyeol would ever want to be with again romantically?

If Chanyeol realizes Sehun shrinks under him, he says nothing nor makes any attempt to remove himself from the younger's neck.

To Chanyeol's (and actually, Sehun's) dismay, the landline phone beeps make a comeback again; another call is coming in. “You sure have a lot of friends,” Sehun tries to tease, albeit gingerly.

“But I’ve only got you,” Chanyeol nuzzles again and Sehun stiffens, his teasing has failed miserably.

 _“Park Chanyeol-ssi. Who you got there with you?”_

Chanyeol curses under his breath. After Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, of course _that_ friend will make a call. Should have cut the phone line while he could. There's no stopping now that Kim Jongdae is on it.

 _“I know you’re there, Chanyeol. And I also know there’s someone there with you. A new love interest finally? Don’t even bother to deny it, the last time you refused Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s call was when that brat was around.”_

Sehun puts his best poker face and pretends he doesn’t notice Jongdae is referring to him.

 _”If you don’t want to introduce him, or her, to me, it’s okay, Chanyeol-ah. I won’t feel sad or offended or anything, I’m a grown man. I just want whoever’s there with you to know how great of a person you are. How great your leadership skill is. Oh I bet you would make the best family head and father ever. Just imagine all those lovely ferrets and their owners under your command at the ferret lover club. You were such an amazing leader. They look up so, so much to–”_

“Shut up, Jongdae!” By the mention of the word ferret, Chanyeol has sprinted out to the phone stand and picked up the call. Sehun tries to contain his laugh, did Jongdae just say ferret? Chanyeol shakes his head dismissively, mouthing, _it's a lie_. Sehun throws him a suspecting stare.

 _“Awh, there you are. My best friend, Park Chanyeollie,”_ Jongdae coos.

“I hate you.”

 _“I love you too. So? Who’s there with you?”_

“Are you calling just because I didn’t pick up Baek’s and Kyungsoo’s call? I’m hanging up.”

 _“Hang up and you’ll regret it. Trust me.”_

Chanyeol sighs dejectedly. It's not an empty threat. He knows it by experience, by painful experience. “What do you want?”

 _“Don't bark at me, loverboy. I just want to know who’s there with you?”_

“There’s no one here with me!” Chanyeol stresses out, but quickly turns to look at Sehun in fear of offending him. When Sehun looks away (mostly because he feels bad Chanyeol has to lie about him to Jongdae), Chanyeol begins to panic and paces back to him with the receiver still on his ear. Bless cordless phones with batteries. “You know I never receive any guests at my house,” Chanyeol says, half to Jongdae half to Sehun. Chanyeol slides back into the blankets and the younger boy eyes him curiously. That's a new, Sehun notes.

 _“Yeah not even us. Except for that brat.”_ From such a proximity, Sehun could hear the disinterest in Jongdae’s voices but he couldn't be bothered because, did Jongdae just imply that Chanyeol hasn't been seeing anyone since him?

When he sees Sehun looking like he has a million questions ready to fire away, Chanyeol puts a finger on his own lips as a signal for Sehun to stay quiet. When Sehun nods, Chanyeol smiles and goes back to Jongdae,  
“Stop that. Brat has a name.”

Sehun gulps, suddenly not knowing where to look at. Chanyeol’s stare is heavy upon him.

 _“You are impossible! I don’t even want to remember his name. And I truly wish you’re suddenly amnesic, forget everything and moves on with your life.”_

“Jongdae, don’t say that.”

 _“Park Chanyeol, don’t even try to fight me on this! Anyway, so, if you really have no one with you there, then why didn’t you pick up the calls? Kyungsoo sounded worried over the phone.”_

“I was just busy packing. That's all.”

 _“Oh yeah, yeah, of course! How can I forget. You will finally leave that apartment! I’ve been waiting for this for years. You’ve made a great decision, my friend. A big progress in life. I’m so happy we’re going to move to London. You can start fresh there. Find a new lover, find a new hobby, buy new shirts, colorful ones I hope.”_

Sehun is dumbfounded and stares at Chanyeol beseechingly. Did Jongdae just say they’re moving to London? As in, permanently? He clearly remembers Chanyeol saying it’s only for work. Isn’t he supposed to come back after his work's done?

“Yeah, about that.” Chanyeol tries to pull Sehun into a hug but Sehun pushes him away. “Jongdae, I might want to think over about moving to London.”

 _“Shit, Chanyeol! Tell me you’re not serious! Just how many times more will you delay this? How many more opportunities do you have to lose until you can move on? He’s ruining your life! And he doesn’t even care about you anymore! You gotta let him go!”_

“Jongdae, please.”

 _“I’m not letting you do this to yourself anymore. God damnit, Chanyeol, listen to me just this once! You’re going with me! Blizzard be damned, we’ll stick to our flight schedule to London tomorrow morning. I’ll pick you up myself. You better be ready when I arrive! Good night!”_ Jongdae ends the call without giving Chanyeol any chance to argue back.

Chanyeol puts the receiver on the floor and slowly turns to Sehun, who now looks more depressed than ever. He tries to soothe the younger boy, "I'm sorry you had to hear all that. I should have cut the call right away. It’s my fault. Don’t listen to Jongdae, he likes to exaggerate."

Sehun is too deep in his own thoughts to listen to whatever Chanyeol is trying to tell him. He feels so.. sad? And scared? Why is Chanyeol always leaving mixed signals? Why do they always seem to be on different wavelengths? Different timing, if not bad ones. When he decided to block him out, Chanyeol was there waiting for him. Chanyeol was always there smiling, talking to Sehun’s mother, and stealing glances when he thought Sehun didn’t notice. But whenever Sehun tried to reach back to him, the opposites happened. Even now, Chanyeol is going to move abroad, leaving Sehun behind, possibly forever.

"Sehun? Sehun-ah?" Only when Chanyeol shakes his shoulder that Sehun finally snaps back to reality. "I was calling for you," Chanyeol says, eyes filled with concern.

"Are you leaving?" Sehun's voice comes out shaky and he hates himself for it.

"I told Jongdae I wanted to reconsider, didn't I?"

"Are you leaving because of me?"

"I've stayed here for years after you left, mostly because of you."

Sehun doesn't understand what Chanyeol is trying to say and could only reply with, "I'm sorry." Because really, at this point Sehun feels, knows, everything is his fault. He started this.

"It's years too late for an apology, don't you think?" Chanyeol eyes linger on Sehun’s lips.

"I know. I'm really sorry for that too."

"I won't accept an apology now that I've been waiting for too long."

Sehun nods dejectedly and is about to say something in return when Chanyeol tells him playfully, “But I do still accept kisses.”

Sehun doesn’t know what comes over him when he leans in and kisses Chanyeol square on the lips. The older seems to be surprised and doesn’t get to return the kiss before Sehun quickly pulls himself.

“What’s that for?” Chanyeol blinks.

“You said you accepted kisses instead of apology,” Sehun says, tries to be nonchalant as possible. He’s truly gone insane.

Chanyeol lets out a loud laugh, amused to see Sehun trying to play it off. He stares at Sehun for a while, sizing him up, before dropping his question, “If I say I accept explanations of what had happened that morning two years ago, will you give me that as easily too?”

Sehun face drops at the question, “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“You want to apologize but you don't want to explain to me why you feel guilty, why you did what you did in the first place. Then, are you really planning to leave me hanging for the rest of my life? Do you hate me that much?”

Sehun winces at the word hate. It's the second time Chanyeol accused him of today. How could _he_ of all the people? “I didn’t hate you! It was you who ignored me!” Sehun bites down his lower lip, trying to hold back his anger.

“This came from you who left me the morning after we had sex and ignored me for years after that," Chanyeol says coldly.

And with that the air grew tense around them. Sehun becomes stubbornly quiet and refuses to tear his eyes away from the fireplace. Chanyeol’s just confused and angry.

“It’s been two years and I don’t want to make it three,” Chanyeol says after minutes have passed. He sucks in his hurt feeling and tries to do this like an adult. Two angry kids can't solve a problem. He will be the adult for the both of them. "Most of our problems can be fixed if we just talk to each other. I want to know the truth. No matter how hurtful the truth is, for me, and for you."

“What kind of truth do you want to hear?” Sehun asks, unable to help himself from sounding sarcastic.

“First things first, why did you leave?”

“Because I hate you. You said that yourself.”

Chanyeol sighs deeply, tiredly, “I didn’t say you hate me.”

“You want to believe I hate you.”

“If I don’t believe you hate me, what else should I believe then? I went through a lot because of you, without knowing anything. I think I need a lot of explanation from your behalf, more than just a simple apology.”

Sehun softens immediately on that. Chanyeol is right, Sehun still owes him an explanation. But there are too many things to say, he doesn’t know where to start. 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, seems to have taken Sehun’s silence as avoidance instead and makes an exasperated huff, ready to shrug the topic off, not wanting to be the only one who’s emotionally invested on this matter while Sehun looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world. But that's before his ears perk up when he catches Sehun’s almost inaudible murmurs. He snaps his neck to look at Sehun expectantly.

Sehun is hesitant at first but continues after a careful thought, “I’m going to say this just once. And I’m not going to repeat this." He takes a deep breath, clutching at the blanket for mental support, "I was young, and scared, and shocked. Of you being this close to me, to my.. to this world of mine. I was young and I wasn't ready. The idea of you getting involved in my life outside the club, the idea of revealing you to my family, my friends, honestly scared me.” Sehun tries to be emotionally detached as much as possible but it’s getting harder to pretend he’s okay with talking about this. It’s something he’s never shared with anyone but himself. “I know it was stupid because I really was in love with you and I know it would happen sooner or later. But I made a mistake of running away from you. I have no other excuses. I was just stupid. I’m sorry."

Chanyeol honestly has had an idea about that, it has crossed his mind more than once. But to hear that directly from Sehun doesn’t make him feel any less guilty. At the same time it actually pains him how Sehun didn’t even mention Chanyeol being one of the causes of him running away from the older, as if Sehun is simply taking all the blame of his action by himself. Because after all, it was Chanyeol who had put Sehun in such a situation in the first place. He who had thoughtlessly tried to bring their relationship further too quickly than Sehun could probably handle. Chanyeol wants to say he’s sorry, but not now. Not when Sehun is willing to open up. Chanyeol wants to get him to explain as much as possible on things Chanyeol still can't wrap his mind around.

Chanyeol inhales sharply, bracing himself. “Then, what do you mean by I ignored you?” he asks again. “Because as far as I know, you're the one who hid yourself from me. And what do you mean by you don’t hate me? If it’s not out of hate, was it because of fear?” _Did I really scare you that much?_ dies on the back of his throat. It’s always been one of his insecurities since forever when it comes to Sehun, scaring Sehun away.

“Because you hate me.” Sehun quietly answers, and Chanyeol couldn’t believe his ears because, _what?_

Sehun’s eyes feel hot and teary, but he decidedly blames the dry air and lack of blinking for that. Totally not because of some emotional reason. “Why do you have to make me answer something you already know?” he chides. “You knew I came back that afternoon. I came back because I wanted to see you and say sorry. But you didn’t open the door for me!”

“I didn’t!” Chanyeol is appalled.

“Also, Minseok-hyung and your friend Jongdae came to me to and told me to stay away from you.” Sehun is too bitter to care now. If Chanyeol wants honesty, Sehun will give him honesty.

It really isn’t something Sehun wants to remember, but can’t bring himself to forget either. Minseok was so angry when he slammed open the door to the studio and screamed at Sehun in front of everyone. _"What kind of a person spent months building a relationship and slept with my close friend, only to decide he doesn't want him in his life the very next day? Have I gravely misjudged your character? You never loved him, did you? You only needed him for comfort. And to think he's so foolishly in love with you all this time! He's too good for you, Oh Sehun. You don't deserve him! If you're done using him, just leave him alone!"_ It was two years ago and Sehun had lost Minseok that day.

Jongdae on the other hand, had simply told Sehun to fuck off and push himself off a cliff, although nicely, after failing him at an audition for the main dancer spot for the Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo's collaborative music video. Jongin was voted for the role. But the whole theme fit ballet anyway. And in Sehun opinion, Jongin was a better dancer than himself, so Sehun didn’t hold it against his best friend.

“What did they say?” Chanyeol grows worried when Sehun didn’t elaborate further about his friends coming at him. “Did they hurt you?”

“They didn’t hurt me. They just told me to stay away from you.” Sehun decided that’d be as much as Chanyeol should know. The last thing he wants is for Chanyeol’s friends to hate him even more if they found out Sehun ratted them out.

“You were only nineteen, what were they thinking going at you like that!”

“The worst was you,” Sehun mutters, effectively shutting Chanyeol up at once. “I went back to the club but they won't let me in anymore. So I waited for you on the street near the club, but you wouldn't even look at me. You walked by like we're strangers. It was more than enough for me to get the hint. You don't want to have anything to do with me anymore.”

“Sehun, I–” Chanyeol tries to cut in but Sehun just won’t stop. Sehun can’t stop. Sehun doesn't want to stop.

“I didn't exactly want to avoid you. It's just really scary to meet you and get rejected again. I don't think I'm that strong to go through that repeatedly. But you’re here now. Being all nice and shit to me. Making me think this means something more for you, for us. And what can I do but to get what I can get from you even if hurts? Because you're the Chanyeol I wanted to see so much I wanted to die. The Chanyeol I missed so much but I couldn’t see or touch so I could only numb myself and hide from you. But even then you still decided to be cruel to me, knowing fully I still want you so much. Because even though you knew you’d rejected and hated my guts, you had to go and befriend my mom and be a constant in my life. I had to lock myself in my room whenever you came over. I had to pretend I didn't notice you were staring at me. I had to pretend it doesn’t hurt that that every time I ate those handmade cookies you sent for my mom, I realized that's exactly the closest I could ever get to you. I don't know anymore. I will never know what more you want from me. What more explanation do you need from me. I made that mistake of leaving you. It was my fault, I hurt you. But do I deserve this? Do I deserve crying in the dark alone, regretting everything, again? How much longer do I have to take this punishment? And now you’re going to leave. I really, I really don’t understand why I have to learn it this now. Why do I have to be reminded how hard it was to live without you again and again! This is too much! This is just really, too much for me.”

Sehun has started crying mid talking, his tears freely pouring down his cheeks, eyes stubbornly boring into the fireplace. Chanyeol stares at him, hurt evident on his face, but more for Sehun than for himself. Is that how he had made Sehun feel all these years? Is that what Chanyeol's passive aggressive attempts on trying to get into Sehun's good side again has wrongly caused? Chanyeol feels like a total failure, a mega idiot.

Feeling the weight of Chanyeol's stare, Sehun says again, half scowling, ignoring his tears, “I’m telling this to myself, not to you! I’m not talking to you! You’re not listening to me talking about this!”

Chanyeol gives him a quick nod, saving the last of Sehun's pride.

“I’m going to tell this to myself too then,” Chanyeol straightens himself and goes back facing the fireplace again. He’ll do this the way Sehun did it, to make it easier for him to talk, and Sehun to listen. Less confrontational. Because as much as he wants to scream that everything is just a big ugly misunderstanding, he can’t and he won’t. He knows confrontation stresses Sehun and he doesn’t want to make any more damage than he's already done. All he wants to do is just to fix things between them, if not claiming Sehun's heart back now that he might have a chance.

“I have bad eyesight. I wear glasses during the day, but contacts at night so you’ve probably never seen me with glasses before. One morning I woke up and started crying so much because I thought I’d lost the person I loved. No matter what he thinks I've never once hated him, I loved him even then, until now. And it hurts even more exactly for that reason. I had to stay over at Jongdae’s for almost a month and I traumatized him and my friends with my endless supply of tears. I didn’t know I had unknowingly let go of a chance to open that door I should have opened when my loved one tried to return to me. During that time, I would sometimes go to the club, but I couldn’t wear contacts because my eyes would hurt too much, and sometimes clumsy me would forget to bring my glasses. Apparently, as cliché and as cruel as fate is, my loved one had to walk past me when I was blind as a bat on the street where my surroundings weren’t bright enough for me to see. It sounds like a pathetic excuse but I’m not lying because how much more pathetic could I be to use such excuses to hurt my loved one even more?” Chanyeol can hear Sehun’s muffled tears and notices his slightly shaking body from the corner of his eye. But decides to give Sehun space; there’s a lot for him to take in.

“I moved here months before you came to the club. So if you were wondering, yes, I've fallen in love with the cute you even before that. I never told you because it was one-sided and it was embarrassing. Do you know how I first met your mom and became friends with her? It was one night when you passed out in front of your door and she couldn’t bring you in because you were too heavy for her. I just came home and so she asked me to help her. I carried you to your room. I’ve seen that pink rilakkuma on your bed, just so you know. It was cute. But you were cuter. It almost became a routine. Your mom would knock on my door to ask if I could help her to carry you. Or sometimes you knocked on my door half asleep. When you realized it was the wrong room, you bowed to me and walked away. I don’t think you remember any of that though. You didn’t even realize it was me. But I don’t blame you. You were so focused on improving your dancing and studying for university. It's amazing how dedicated you were. Even now, you forgo going to vacation with your parents to a tropical country far away from the cold you hate so much, all for a dance recital. You always said your friend Jongin was better than you. Well If you ask me, I think you’re so much more amazing, so much better than him. You're the best in my eyes. Do you know that music video of my friends that Jongin starred in? The Dancer. I wrote that song. How perfect would it have been if you were on the video instead of him. After all I wrote that song for you. But anyway. Do you want another cup of hot chocolate? I can make it real quick for you.” Chanyeol pokes Sehun on the cheek, smiling fondly.

Sehun allows himself a smile despite still having tears uncontrollably raining down his cheek. “Maybe later,” he manages to say. No snot to make him sounds funny, thankfully.

"Tissue then?" Chanyeol offers, reaching for the nearest box of tissue. Sehun takes it without a word and starts wiping his tears.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says. Sehun nods, his eyes still not moving from the fireplace, “I’m sorry too.”

They both know there are still things left unsaid and unexplained between them, but they silently agree to keep it that way. Because everything that needs to be said, has been said. And because what matter the most now are that yes, they still love each other, and yes, they forgive each other, and so yes, it's time to move on from this, hand in hand.

“Do you like my fireplace that much?” Chanyeol teases, “You won’t look at me and keep looking at it. I’m kinda jealous right now. I’m a jealous lover, don’t you know?”

Sehun closes his eyes and when he opens it, he stares right into Chanyeol’s eyes. “I didn’t know,” he says softly. When Chanyeol smiles in return, Sehun can’t help but to smile as well.

“Are you really leaving for London?” Sehun asks, whines if he’s willing to admit.

“I won’t leave if you ask me not to.”

“Do I even have the right to ask you to stay? Won’t your friends hate me even more? Won’t Minseok-hyung hate me even more?”

“I’ll just have to write a dozen happy songs and they will forgive us right away, trust me. And about Minseok-hyung, I’m really sorry to hear about what had happened with you and him. I’m really sorry for causing him to let his rage out on you. But honestly it wouldn’t have crossed my mind, because he actually asked me about you just a couple weeks ago, asking if we finally got back together and if you’re doing well. If you want to patch things up with him, I think it’s a good time to make a phone call to him. What do you think? Just, just make sure not on Tuesday. You’ve been warned.”

Sehun makes a pouts, “Are you sure?”

“About the Tuesday thing? Yeah, one hundred–”

“Not that!”

Chanyeol grins playfully before back to smiling assuringly, “Yes, of course I’m sure. In fact, let’s not make a phone call! Let’s just meet him right away! How does a lunch date sound? Him, you, and me. I’ll make the arrangement! You can pick the dessert.” Chanyeol musters enough courage to hug Sehun’s by his shoulder and when Sehun leans into him, the smile on his face gets brighter.

“Do you think we can go back to what we were before that morning? Do you think we can pretend like nothing happened? Like we haven’t lost these past couple of years?” Sehun can’t lie, those questions are still hounding him.

“I don’t want to go back to what we were before,” Chanyeol says, resolutely. “Me two years ago would only listen to you without asking anything. I will ask more from now on. I will ask and talk to you more about our relationship. I will be less obsessed over you and I will tell more about myself, my family, and my childhood ferret pet. I’ll show you his pictures later.”

Sehun laughs and buries his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck.

“But if you insist on rewriting our lost time, I say we start not from that morning, but from the night before,” Chanyeol says seriously.

Sehun lifts up his face, confused, “What are you talking about? It’s not possible to rewrite our past.”

"Don’t be too sure," Chanyeol clears his throat. "I know how to, I can help. Let me brainwash you."

The last time Chanyeol said he wanted to brainwash Sehun was when Sehun had whined so much about his skinny and unattractive body. Chanyeol had then dragged him into a room at the club and stripped him of his clothes to nothing but his underwear and peppered kisses all over him. It was an experience Sehun would never, could never forget for the rest of his life, for being both thrilling and a little traumatizing. So when Chanyeol declares he's going to _brainwash_ him again, Sehun hands automatically go up to cover his chest protectively.

"What do you mean by that?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the smut part is all here

Chanyeol leans in, sweeping his tongue across Sehun's lower lips without warning, and Sehun suddenly forgets how to breathe.

"That means you won't sleep tonight, Sehun-ah" Chanyeol grabs Sehun by the waist and pulls him up to straddle his lap. Sehun complies, hands still folded protectively against his chest. It feels awkward to sit on Chanyeol's lap now, Sehun has grown so much bigger in size since the last time they had done this. But that really is the last of his concern because, “It’s cold. Don’t strip me,” Sehun shakes his head frantically.

Chanyeol gives him a coy smile, “Don't worry. I’ll make you hot, you’ll want to strip yourself.” He strokes the back of Sehun’s neck and slowly brings their face closer, lips ghosting over Sehun’s without actually making any contact. “Can I?” Chanyeol asks.

Sehun doesn’t know why Chanyeol bothers asking for his permission to kiss him at all. Because then as soon as he says it, Chanyeol slips both hands inside Sehun's pants, _oh?_ inside his underwear _ooh?_ , crisscrossing Sehun's body so as to seal him in his hug and cupping both of his ass cheeks with his cold palms at the same time, each palm on the other side of the cheek and, _oh!!_ , damn, that question was for _this_.

"We'll do this my way," Chanyeol whispers, eyebrows dancing suggestively.

"I hate you," Sehun scowls, albeit weakly, having too much trouble controlling his burning cheeks, embarrassingly so turned on by the sudden intimate touch.

"I hate you too. In fact I hate your ass the most. They're so firm and make me want to do bad things to you," Chanyeol squeezes him and Sehun jolts up, hitting Chanyeol’s chest afterwards, “Stop that!”

“Never!” Chanyeol makes a rough growl in the back of his throat and pulls Sehun in for a rough kiss.

Sehun laughs into the kiss but returns it almost immediately, growing hungry and demanding. He can't deny that his body craves Chanyeol, has been dying to do this since that _moment_ he had in the bathroom when changing clothes.

Feeling daring, Sehun tries to take initiative, coaxing Chanyeol's mouth open, and as soon as Chanyeol does, Sehun slides his tongue inside. He tilts his head to gain more access to Chanyeol's mouth before Chanyeol starts sucking slowly on Sehun’s tongue instead. Chanyeol likes slow, Chanyeol likes taking his time to wet his lips slowly against the slick of Sehun’s tongue, treating it as if it’s a lollipop, sliding his lips along the flat of Sehun’s tongue, in and out, but never letting go. The sensation is thrilling and Sehun finds himself moaning, his whole body melting into Chanyeol’s touch.

Sehun forces himself to open his eyes after a while. He wants to see, he has to see. And, oh that is the best decision he has ever made. The sight before him simply takes his breath away. Chanyeol with his eyes closed, tasting, licking, devouring every inch of Sehun’s lips and tongue as if they’re the best things he has ever tasted.

When Chanyeol locks their lips again, his tongue makes his way inside Sehun’s mouth, immediately claiming his dominance by pressing their tongues together, not letting Sehun suck his. Sehun whines but Chanyeol ignores him and continues to dance his tongue around Sehun's mouth.

Chanyeol then bucks up his hip to meet Sehun’s, and Sehun gets the signal right away. With each kiss exchanged, each knead and rub made on his ass, Sehun grinds his crotch against Chanyeol’s hardening one, making a rhythm as they move languidly against each other. Chanyeol groans but doesn’t break the kiss until they both need to breath for air. But even then, Chanyeol’s still nibbling on Sehun’s lower lip. Sehun laughs at that, “Do you want me that much?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know,” Chanyeol purrs in reply.

“I do! Tell me,” Sehun challenges a bit cockily, distancing his face from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol stares at Sehun's reddish well-kissed lips, dreamily if Sehun isn’t imagining things. “You taste like chocolate,” Chanyeol says, catching Sehun’s eyes.

“Because we just had hot chocolate,” Sehun tries to reason, suddenly feeling shy.

“Did you have chocolate before coming to the club then? Because every time we kissed, you tasted like chocolate. Like every single time. And it drives me nuts. I can’t get enough of it. Even until now.”

Sehun blinks rapidly, stricken by shock when he realized what Chanyeol is trying to imply.

“Isn’t this the time when you ask me, so you’re addicted to hot chocolate because it tastes like my lips and mouth?” Chanyeol asks, as teasing as always.

Sehun doesn’t think he could blush any harder than this. “I h-hate cheese!” He exclaims suddenly, stuttering a little, trying to hide his embarrassment though his heart can't help but to swell in uncontrollable affection for Chanyeol. Because damn, he feels so loved and wanted right now.

Chanyeol smirks knowingly, “You do?” he asks, grazes Sehun’s cheeks with his lips, “Me too,” and purposefully breathes on his skin. “Let’s get back to being chocolate then. The way you and me like it, you know, hot, and sweet, and lusty and all.” Sehun swears from this moment on he won’t be able to drink hot chocolate peacefully anymore, without being reminded of how Chanyeol’s lips are pressing warm and soft against his.

It’s easy to forget that the blizzard is still wreaking havoc on the city when Chanyeol is kissing him senseless, when Chanyeol’s large hands continue to knead on Sehun’s bare ass. It’s easy to forget that the temperature outside is far below zero degrees when Sehun is growing hot and restless, itching to be touched in more places, in more _inappropriate_ places. And before he knows it, his black hoodie is on the floor beside them. Sehun doesn’t remember which one of them took it off of him but he knows the lesser clothes the better, the faster for them to move forward. He even voluntarily lifts up the last layer of his white long-sleeve shirt and Chanyeol smirks at that, watching him with a knowing smile, _I told you so_. But Sehun is just too horny to care. And Chanyeol is too eager to please him. He showers Sehun's bare chest and wide shoulder with open-mouthed kisses, making sure he covers every part with his hot breath and wet lips. Sehun lets out a low moan when Chanyeol reaches his nipples. Sehun secretly wonders if it'd be better for Chanyeol if they had been bosoms, not just flat chests with protruding nipples. But the thought quickly disappears when Chanyeol makes a particularly hard knead on his ass, pressing Sehun's crotch rougher to his own. Sehun has never thought much of his ass, until now. Bless those years Sehun spent toning his body dancing difficult choreographed moves. He's somehow strangely proud of his own ass now. Firm, Chanyeol had told him, and makes him want to... Sehun titters, embarrassed by his own thoughts.

"You're laughing," Chanyeol says after letting go one of Sehun's nipples with a pop sound, leaving traces of saliva there. He brings his mouth to nibble on Sehun's earlobe. One hand stays on his ass and the other leaves to wrap around the back of Sehun's head to keep him in place.

"I'm not laughing," Sehun manages to make a coherent answer in between his moans because damn, Chanyeol's mouth is working magic on one of his sensitive spots right now.

"I like it when you laugh. Laugh more, kitten. Laugh more."

Sehun’s whole body can't help but to shake in giggles because it's been a long time Chanyeol has called him kitten. According to Chanyeol, Sehun reminds him of a kitten, always so defensive when approached but melts and mewls right away under his touch. And Sehun can’t even bring himself to deny that.

"I love you," Sehun whispers to him with the sweetest tone he can muster.

Chanyeol turns to look at him, jaws gaping in surprise, but quickly replaces it with a relieved smile, "I love you too."

Sehun returns the smile and places a kiss the side of Chanyeol’s eye nearest to him, "Thank you. For taking me back.”

Chanyeol kisses Sehun on the same spot, smiling ever so tenderly, “Because I want you, I never stopped wanting you. And I never stopped hoping you would want me too. For us to be like this again, to kiss like this again, to tell you I love you, making sure you remember that you’ve always got me.”

Sehun's breath is picking up, face heats up so much he can feel it spreading through his body. "I told you," he tries to say, "I hate–"

Chanyeol cuts him off, "You hate cheesy, I know. But my heart feels like exploding from the amount of love I have for you right now. I can’t help it," he half whines.

Sehun presses their foreheads together, "I want to explode too. But let's not talk any longer and, you know, do something about it."

Chanyeol bursts into laughter because really, Sehun's boldness never fails to amuse him.

Sehun seems to take it as an offense and hits Chanyeol lightly on the chest, "I'm half naked and you want to talk about feelings! Fine! I will just," he peels himself off Chanyeol and tries to reach for his shirt.

"As if I would let you," Chanyeol yanks him back and starts kissing his neck, purposely leaving smooches, prepping him of what's coming. Sehun moans in pleasure when Chanyeol starts sucking right above his collar bone. He sucks the skin slowly, lapping on the part he manages to fit into his mouth. The sensation drives Sehun crazy, that, plus Chanyeol's hands roaming all over him, and his ass. Sehun supposes Chanyeol really has a thing for his ass. Chanyeol has maneuvered his hand on Sehun’s pants so his little finger is inching dangerously close to Sehun's hole, massaging ever so suggestively, and Sehun really doesn't know where to concentrate anymore.

Chanyeol starts grazing with his teeth then bites gently on Sehun's skin, drawing blood to the top layer, forming red purplish marks on the place Chanyeol’s bit and sucked. Sehun tightens his hold on Chanyeol's arms and winces in pain but doesn't push him away. He knows Chanyeol is marking him. Chanyeol is marking Sehun as his, and if that's not what Sehun has been dreaming of all this time, he'd be lying.

When Chanyeol is done, he stares at the deep red marks he’s made, standing out so clearly against the pale of Sehun's skin. He mentally pats himself for a job well done, before something flashes through his mind and he panics. "Oh, shit! When is your dance recital again?"

Sehun, still nuzzling on Chanyeol's neck, or rather hoodie, takes some time to answer him, "Next Saturday. Why? You want to come?"

The invitation rolls out so easily it catches them both off guard, even Sehun.

"Is that.. do you..?" Chanyeol is suddenly lost for words.

Sehun stares at him with hopeful eyes, "Do you think you can make it to the dance recital? Do you want to come?"

"Can I be there?"

"Only if you want to, and bring me flowers."

Chanyeol looks like he wants to cry, but Sehun can’t really see because Chanyeol immediately squeals, hugs him, buries his face on Sehun's chest, swinging him side to side out of joy. Sehun doesn't say anything, he just smiles to himself, knowing he has made the right decision. Chanyeol is beyond happy. They’re both aware that this is more than just an invitation to a dance recital. It's an invitation into Sehun's life.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," Sehun cups Chanyeol’s face with his hands, making sure he knows Sehun is really apologetic about this.

Chanyeol shakes his head, "I’m glad you did at all. I'm sorry I tried to force you to do it too soon. It was partly the reason why I brought you here that night. I didn't want to be your secret anymore. It didn't cross my mind you weren't ready. I'm sorry."

Sehun lips curl in a genuine smile before saying, "I forgive you. And I'll broadcast you to the whole world, don't worry, you attention whore."

Chanyeol's face cracks in the weirdest, goofiest, most scandalized look Sehun has ever seen of him. "You!" is the only thing Chanyeol manages to say before Sehun is pressing their lips together again, ignoring Chanyeol’s stream of protest. Sehun hides his smile by puckering his lips while kissing, knowing it does wonder in making Chanyeol surrender to him and start kissing Sehun back.

"We'll see who's the attention whore here," Chanyeol takes out his hand from where it was in the back of Sehun's pants in a swift movement only to snake it down the front of Sehun's pants. Sehun's breath hitches when Chanyeol's palms touches his clothed bulge, kneading him gently, drawing a loud involuntary moan from Sehun's lips. He leans forward and knocks Sehun onto his back, onto the couch. Sehun’s head lands nicely on a pillow, making him momentarily wonder if Chanyeol had pulled one for him to rest his head on beforehand. Has he always been this attentive all these times?

Chanyeol straightens Sehun's legs and kneels on each side, trapping Sehun under him, their crotches right above each other. "I'll make you scream my name tonight and we'll see who needs attention more," he says wickedly and hooks his fingers on the elastic band of Sehun's underwear, pulling it down just enough for Sehun's fully hard cock to spring out from its restriction.

Sehun brings his hands to cover his face in embarrassment but Chanyeol reaches his arm to stop him immediately. "Watch!" Chanyeol commands, as his other hand takes Sehun's cock in a full grasp and starts stroking it up and all the way down, making Sehun's pre-cum leak even more. Sehun's breath gets heavier with every pump Chanyeol makes and he scrambles for support, gripping onto the nearest blanket, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of Chanyeol touching him.

When Chanyeol is sure Sehun won't close his eye, he retracts his hand to give Sehun's cock his full attention. Chanyeol considers taking him in his mouth right away but decides it would be fun to play with him first. And he can talk when his mouth isn't otherwise occupied. Teasing Sehun was, is, one of his favorite pastime activities.

Sehun's cock is basically dripping wet with his own pre-cum and Chanyeol is amused, "We might not need lube, seeing how good you are at lubricating yourself. Maybe I can lube my cock using yours too. How nature friendly we are."

Sehun wants to scream ‘shut up!’ but all that comes from his mouth are only moans and more moans. Chanyeol strokes the shaft all the way down to the base so that the crown is stretched free from the folds of skin covering it, revealing a deep pink almost red flesh contrasting the thick liquid coming from his slit. Chanyeol coos, "How beautifully shaped this one thing of yours here is", saying it so close that his hot breath blows over Sehun's throbbing cock.

Sehun groans, if Chanyeol doesn't stop with his teasing, Sehun thinks he'll lose his mind anytime soon. And true to that, just a few more strokes later, Sehun comes all over his stomach and Chanyeol's hand. He's almost breathless as he rides out his orgasm and frowns in confusion when he sees Chanyeol pouting at him. "You didn't scream my name, I'm doing it wrong," the older says dejectedly.

 _You are impossible_ , Sehun wants to scold him, or would have if he wasn’t too occupied regulating his breathing because wow, that's the first orgasm he’s had in months. The image of Chanyeol is the only one that can get him off but also the only one that makes him sometimes end his shower session with red and puffy eyes. Not that Sehun will have to ever again, he thinks. He finally has the real Chanyeol here with him again, looking up at him with a devilish smile as he licks Sehun's rapidly hardening cock. Ugh, there he goes again, Sehun groans in the back of his mind.

Chanyeol licks Sehun's cum, taking his time to savor it, and is about to make a comment when a pillow flies at his head, along with Sehun's angry hiss, "Stop playing around!"

Chanyeol tsks at him, "Kitten. Never one to be patient."

"I am, if only you would just stop teasing and make me feel loved!"

Chanyeol's laughter that follows vibrates through Sehun's still over-sensitive cock and makes him regret ever saying that. The teasing bastard has the audacity to laugh and wrap his lips around the head of Sehun's cock at the same time, saliva and cum mixing together. It looks gross from where Sehun sees it but Chanyeol seems to enjoy it so he doesn't say anything, only slightly bucking up his hip to urge him to keep going.

Without delaying it any longer, Chanyeol takes in Sehun's length in one big swoop, all the way down. When Sehun feels himself touching the back of Chanyeol's throat, he swears he can see stars even with both eyes closed. Chanyeol sucks him all the way up, slowly. And when Sehun's hip rises with it, Chanyeol takes the chance to hold Sehun's ass on both of his hands. Chanyeol finishes with a loud pop but immediately catches Sehun's cock again before it shifts from its position aligned straight with his mouth. His hands squeeze Sehun's ass cheeks and stretch them apart while he grazes his teeth on both sides of the younger's cock, feeling its veins throbbing in ecstasy. Sehun has to bite his lower lip to keep from screaming out loud because damnit, Chanyeol and his million ways to drive Sehun crazy.

Still not getting the reaction he's been wanting, aka Sehun screaming his name, Chanyeol sucks harder, hollows his cheeks more, and applies more pressure despite his gag reflex protesting when Sehun's cock reaches the back of his throat again. Tears start forming in his eyes and his jaw hurts from all the extra work, but Chanyeol is persistent. He will do anything until Sehun screams his name.

Sehun's body trembles as he's coming close for the second time. His hands wraps desperately across his body, curling into himself. Chanyeol's hand and mouth still working their magic on him. Sehun makes muffled sobs and moans every once in a while but never allows Chanyeol's name to slip from his lips. This is war, he tells himself. He fully knows it makes Chanyeol frustrated, but Sehun has different a idea of how he wants to do it. Plus, if that means he can get more time with those wet red lips slicking up and down his cock, he will push them both to the limit.

Sehun comes undone all over Chanyeol's mouth and Chanyeol licks him clean, swallowing every drop of Sehun's cum. Sehun can't help to get teary eyed a bit, feeling all warm inside, and suddenly overwhelmed by his want to return the favor. Sehun starts calling for him, "Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol looks up from where he's still lapping on Sehun's cock with adorably confused puppy eyes. _What?_ He asks with his eyes. "Chanyeol," Sehun whines again, still high from orgasm. Chanyeol comes up to him and Sehun immediately seals their lips with a passionate kiss. He can taste his slightly salty and bitter cum, but he doesn't care.

"Chanyeol," Sehun sighs against the kiss. "Your turn," his hand wanders to palm Chanyeol's crotch, eyes looking up, hopeful.

“But you haven’t screamed my–”

Sehun cuts him, “And I want to ride you too. You know, maybe then, I will,”

"You will what?"

"You know," Sehun whines. Chanyeol is playing dumb again.

"You will only scream my name with me inside you?"

Sehun's face turns a shade redder, as if it's not red enough, but nods anyway. "After.. I.. suck you?"

Chanyeol's eyes turns into a straight line, "I have to wait that long?" Sounding judgmental yet his heart (and undeniably his cock) can’t help but to throbs in anticipation.

Sehun lets out a nervous laugh and a soft yes.

"Such a demanding lover," Chanyeol tsks at Sehun, but makes a move to strip himself anyway. Before the better part of him remembers that if they’re doing this, they need stuff to do it properly. And Chanyeol has to retrieve condoms and lube from his drawer before he's too high on orgasm, or else he'll be too stupid to think about anything and might end up hurting Sehun.

Without saying anything, Chanyeol lets go of Sehun and makes a quick run to his bedroom.

Sehun whines and curls to himself from the sudden lack of warmth to cover his mostly naked body. He considers taking a blanket but decides against it when he sees traces of his own cum on his body. Chanyeol might not appreciate the extra bill on his laundry.

By the time Sehun kicks the rest of his pants off, including his underwear for good measure, Chanyeol is back with a tube of lube, a new box of tissues, and a lot of condom packets. Sehun eyes them warily and Chanyeol gives him a cocky smile, "We might have to use several. You will never know."

Sehun doesn't trust himself to give any reply, only giving him a small nod which proves to be a great incentive for Chanyeol as he quickly strips himself all the way to his underwear and stands there stark naked, and unmistakably proud.

If Sehun's cock is big, Chanyeol's is massive, and Sehun can't stop himself from staring.

"Do you like it? Bigger than the last time you saw it, right." Sehun's eyes widen at Chanyeol's lack of shame, but doesn't get his chance to utter any witty comments when Chanyeol, still standing, starts stroking his own cock. Because damn, Sehun wants to be the one doing it!

Despite the cold air of the apartment outside the blankets, Sehun forces himself to get up and reach for Chanyeol's hand to stop him, almost accidentally (or maybe not) reaching for the other's cock instead. "Let me do it," he tries to put his best serious face, a determined face as he would say.

Chanyeol nods with an eager smile and falls to his knees on the couch to crawl towards Sehun. Sehun leads Chanyeol to lie where Sehun was lying through the whole.. process, reversing their position. Sehun is back straddling Chanyeol's lap. They both hiccup at the same time when their hard cocks accidentally hit each other. They laugh over it and Sehun has to keep his head low from embarrassment, his hand reaching for Chanyeol's cock. He seems to consider their position because how uncomfortable this is with two large size cocks getting in their way, but Chanyeol doesn't seem to be bothered by it so Sehun settles to just scooting back a little, allowing more space for his hand to move along Chanyeol's length freely; his own tucked slightly to the side. The problem of having your cock not restricted by cloth, he sighs, it's embarrassing to have it out in the open and hitting Chanyeol's inner thigh from time to time. He really should consider other positions later.

Sehun starts by pumping Chanyeol up and down slowly, just like how Chanyeol had done to him earlier. Chanyeol leaks as much as Sehun did but unlike Chanyeol, Sehun isn't a teasing bastard and thus says nothing about it. Just carefully coating the shaft with pre-cum. When Sehun presses a thumb over the slit, Chanyeol's trembles, his breathing pacing up. Sehun, liking the reaction he draws, presses again. Chanyeol throws his head back, overwhelmed by his impending orgasm. Sehun then lowers his head and licks around the head in swirling motion, tasting Chanyeol's pre-cum, a little sweeter than his own, and Chanyeol makes a long, dragged out moan, calling Sehun’s name.

Sehun heart jumps in excitement from having so much power over Chanyeol. Just like a kid getting giddy over a new toy, Sehun experiments on how Chanyeol would react on the different parts of his cock Sehun lands his hot and wet tongue upon. And Chanyeol doesn't disappoint him, making rough moans and grunts every time, causing Sehun to feel hot and surprisingly shy just by listening. When Sehun decides to swallow Chanyeol's length as much as he can fit into his mouth, and sucks him rather sloppily, Chanyeol comes right away. The untimely spurts of cum take Sehun by surprise. He doesn't know what to do but to quickly pull his mouth away, watching dumbfoundedly as cum spurting from Chanyeol’s cock all over his face, his neck and some on his mouth.

"Fuck, Sehun. This is just like in my dream but so much better," Chanyeol tells him after coming back from his high, breath still heaving.

Sehun offers him a quick smile, "I'm new at this," wiping away Chanyeol's cum from himself with his hand, but not too sure what to do with it after that. Chanyeol laughs and reaches for the nearest tissue box, helping him to clean. Sehun thanks him.

"Don’t worry. I'll teach you. You're already great, you'll be amazing. But only with me." Chanyeol gently pulls Sehun by his wrist and brings him to lie on his chest. "Only with me," and wraps his arms protectively over Sehun, "You're mine."

Sehun smiles and press his cheek on Chanyeol's flat chest, listening to his fast heartbeats. _This is for me_ , Sehun thinks to himself. _This heart is beating this fast for me._

"Sehun-ah, we haven't used the lube and condoms, and you haven’t screamed my name. So, who tops?" Chanyeol ask it as if it's the most normal thing to ask, like _hey look, Sehun-ah, the sky is clear, should we go out on a picnic?_ It makes Sehun nervous and sick to his stomach, because really, is Chanyeol really asking him this?

"Obviously you. Since I'm.. the girl in this relationship," Sehun replies, trailing off a bit at the end.

Chanyeol lifts Sehun's chin with his fingers, looking rather upset. "Don't say that. I wasn't asking you to be submissive. I never once thought of us like that. If you want me to ride you, I'll let you top any time, okay?"

With his personality, it’s not unexpected of Chanyeol to say such a thing, but Sehun still can’t help but to be taken aback at how open and receptive Chanyeol is about the dynamic of their bedroom activities. Sehun nods shyly when he notices Chanyeol is waiting for his answer on that.

"Good boy,” Chanyeol pats him, “Now let's get back to pleasure business, shall we?"

Sehun slaps Chanyeol's arm, "Don't say it like that."

Chanyeol laughs, "Since you said you're ready to take me, let me fuck you then?"

Sehun blinks and manages a quick yes, trying not to sound too eager. Chanyeol promises to be gentle and do it slowly. Sehun tells him he never did this with anyone else, or actually he's never been with anyone else other than Chanyeol. The older smiles fondly at him and asks if it had hurt two years ago when they did it. Sehun returns his smile and shakes his head; all he can remember was what a great night it was. Chanyeol pecks his cheek and makes another promise to make tonight even better.

They reverse their position again, with Sehun lying on the couch and Chanyeol sitting in front of him, with both of Sehun's legs resting on Chanyeol's thighs, spreading him open. Chanyeol scoots closer, effectively bending Sehun's legs, allowing Chanyeol full access to Sehun's entrance. Sehun is terribly embarrassed but bites it back, not wanting to interrupt the moment. He silently watches as Chanyeol reaches for the lube and coats his fingers with it, spreading it a little in between Sehun's ass crack. The liquid is cold against Sehun’s skin and makes him whine, but Chanyeol quickly rubs his finger on the opening, preparing to work it open.

When Chanyeol slowly inserts his middle finger, Sehun's body tenses from having such an unfamiliar intrusion. Sehun isn't big on self-pleasure so he's never done this on his own. The first (and only) time he’s been worked open was by Chanyeol two years ago, and now he’s going to trust Chanyeol with it again. He nods in encouragement when Chanyeol looks at him worriedly. Chanyeol adds a second finger after a while and makes a scissoring motion, working him open. When Chanyeol adds the third finger, Sehun has to take a pillow and bite on it. Chanyeol looks concerned but continues making slow slides, in and out, while the other hand massages the crown of Sehun's cock gently to distract him from pain.

When Sehun's is stretched enough and ready for him, Chanyeol quickly rolls in a condom, pumps his already half-hard cock, and inserts the head before Sehun's hole has time to tighten. He brings himself to a kneeling position and holds onto Sehun's knees for support, and starts pushing the rest of himself inside, slowly and carefully.

Sehun's eyebrows knit together, trying to hold himself together. His eyes go uncontrollably wide at the same time, staring at Chanyeol whose face is shading a pretty pink. If it were another occasion, Chanyeol would have teased him that he looks constipated. But being the very reason Sehun is looking exactly like that, Chanyeol bites down his mood-ruining comment, leaning in for a kiss instead, hovering above Sehun. When Chanyeol manages to get all of his cock inside, Sehun makes a loud cry. Chanyeol showers him with kisses of ‘sorry’, and ‘please bear with me for a while’. Sehun starts getting teary but his hands hold tight onto Chanyeol's arm, urging him to start moving. They start slow, in and out very slowly, and very soon Sehun is fully stretched again. His brain’s sending mix signals of pain and pleasure, driving Sehun crazy.

Chanyeol isn't faring much better. His knees are getting weak but he forces himself to keep going. Being inside Sehun is far better and far more mind-blowing than having Sehun's lips around his cock. He can feel his throbbing cock making contact with Sehun's tight walls, and with Sehun under him, taking him submissively and moaning with every thrust Chanyeol makes, he doesn't think it can get any better than this.

Except, Sehun proves him wrong. As soon as Sehun gets a hold of himself, and catches up to Chanyeol's rhythm, he starts rolling his hips every time their hips touch. Purposefully pressing his ass against Chanyeol's crotch. Sehun is unabashedly proud of himself when he hears Chanyeol making ragged moans and heavy breathing.

When Chanyeol finally hits Sehun's prostate, Sehun reaches his first orgasm with Chanyeol buried deep inside of him. For the first time, Sehun half-screams Chanyeol’s name, the only name he can remember amidst the tremors of pleasure spreading all over his legs and body. Chanyeol is very pleased. He keeps thrusting even faster, hitting Sehun's prostate several times in a row, making Sehun’s eyes roll to the back of his head. Chanyeol can't lie, he loves having Sehun like this, giving and taking pleasure at the same time. Because this, _this_ , is what Chanyeol had envisioned his sex with Sehun should always be.

Chanyeol reaches his orgasm very soon after that, coming inside Sehun. He tries to take his cock out, but Sehun holds him still, wrapping his legs around his waist. Sehun is delirious with joy. He can’t exactly feel it but just knowing that Chanyeol is cumming inside him makes his heart burst with love. They did this before, two years ago, but the feeling is definitely different now. Sehun isn't merely a curious and horny teenager anymore. Sehun is a young adult, who is making love with the person he loves and loves him as much, or even more.

Chanyeol lazily kisses Sehun on the lips as he lies on his side beside his lover, untangling himself from Sehun. His knees have given up on him and his cock has gone soft, tired from all the hard work. Sehun traces Chanyeol's jaw and chest with his fingers while they kiss, feeling the curve of Chanyeol's toned muscles. Beautiful, he murmurs to himself.

The used condom is still on Chanyeol's cock and Sehun helps him to roll it off. The brush of Sehun's finger makes Chanyeol involuntarily groan in pleasure. After Sehun ties the condom and puts it aside, he goes back to gently stroke Chanyeol’s cock again, trying to make it half hard. Chanyeol, however, whines and pulls Sehun's hand off him, "Let me rest for a while."

"But you said we might need several condoms," Sehun pouts, obviously teasing.

Chanyeol stares at him without blinking, "Of course. I said you wouldn't sleep tonight and I meant it. I will make you cry for me the whole night long. Make your ass take me until you can't walk tomorrow."

Sehun shudders at the notion. "You don’t mean that," he laughs nervously. His teasing backfires, as always. When Chanyeol’s face stays serious, Sehun frowns, “Do you?”

Chanyeol sweeps the strands of Sehun's hair from his forehead and laughs, "Of course I didn’t mean that. I was just kidding. Did I do it gentle enough? Are you feeling hurt anywhere?"

"I'm good. Just tired," Sehun says, eyes half closed. "It's been a tiring day."

"Do you want to go to sleep?"

"But the condoms!" Sehun forces his eyes to fly open.

Chanyeol pats his head affectionately, "Stop teasing, you’re bad at it. And also it's getting late, we’re both tired. We should just get ready for bed. There will be plenty of time to use the condoms later, right?" he adds with a wink.

Sehun buries his head on Chanyeol's chest and muffled a yes.

They stay like that side by side for a while, Sehun clinging close to Chanyeol. It dawns on Sehun a little later that they just had sex on a sofa bed, in front of a bustling fireplace, with a blizzard still going strong outside. They’re both naked, sticky with cum and sweat and whatnot, but still, Sehun thinks this is quite romantic, and comfortable, having Chanyeol by his side is definitely comfortable. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

"There's something I need to ask you," Sehun says sheepishly, eyes flickering up and down between Chanyeol's face and his bare chest.

"Hmn? What is it?"

"Did you really.. did you really write that song for me?"

"Which one? The Dancer? Yeah, of course. I actually wrote that song before we had a thing. You were.. what’s that word again, my muse?”

Sehun can’t stop himself from breaking into a wide smile, "I am?"

Chanyeol breathes on Sehun's hair, "Yeah. You are. I've also written dozens of sad love songs after we.. parted ways. Baekhyun's entire second album is about you. You probably should listen to it. He said he'd never heard a song titled Lemon Soda that sad before." Chanyeol's body laugh vibrates through Sehun, making him feel happy, safe, warm, and very much loved

"I shall listen to it then." Sehun smiles, eyes crinkling into crescents.

"Yeah, you really should. And try smiling like this more, I love it a lot.”

Sehun nods, still maintaining the crescents on his eyes. Chanyeol tries to mimic him but ends up exaggerating, eyes all closed. Sehun pulls one of his ears to make him stop and Chanyeol grins at him mischievously.

They’re still smiling to each other when Chanyeol sits up abruptly without warning, taking away the comfort of his embrace away from Sehun, “Let's get ready for bed then shall we?"

"Why can’t we just lay here for a while? And maybe sleep like this? I’m tired," Sehun whines.

"And get you sick with a cold? Oh no no no, a big no. Let's clean up at the bathroom, then get dressed, _then_ sleep.”

That doesn’t sound like a good plan to Sehun though. “You want us go to the bathroom like this?" he frowns and gestures to make a show of his fully naked body.

“Oh yeah of course, let's parade there naked. It'd be fun, I promise,"

Sehun rolls his eyes but lets Chanyeol pull him to stand on his feet and drag him to the bathroom after picking up both of their clothes off the floor.

Chanyeol takes out white towels from the cabinet once they reach the bathroom. He dampens one with water and starts cleaning Sehun. The latter whines every time the cold towel touches his skin and Chanyeol has to swat away Sehun's hands from interfering. Taking pity on Sehun, Chanyeol rubs the skin with his palm to bring back the warmth. The small gesture makes Sehun all warm inside as well, secretly happy over being tended to like this. Too focused to notice the smile playing on Sehun’s lips, Chanyeol patiently repeats the process until Sehun is fairly clean. He hands Sehun’s clothes to him but Sehun seems to have a different idea, glancing back and forth to Chanyeol's and his black shirt.

Chanyeol follows Sehun’s eyes but doesn’t seem to get the message, "What?"

"Can I, can I wear your shirt?" It’s beyond Sehun how he can feel embarrassed for asking that from the guy he just had sex with, but imagining them wearing each other’s shirt makes him giddy. He’s actually into those couple things, and being able to do it with Chanyeol makes him twice as giddy.

"Uh, yeah? Sure," Chanyeol looks a little confused, but nevertheless hands his shirt to Sehun for him to wear.

"You can wear my shirt," Sehun points at his own white shirt, almost excitedly.

Chanyeol makes a muted laugh and nods. What a cutie, Chanyeol thinks to himself.

"Oh, wow. Wow!" Chanyeol exclaims once he’s put on Sehun’s shirt, eyes widening, staring down at himself as if he couldn’t believe what he’s seeing.

“What?”

"I'm wearing white!"

Sehun doesn't understand if that’s supposed to mean something but he nods anyway, "Yes, you're wearing white, my white long sleeve shirt," he says while putting on his previously worn training pants.

"Yes, and look at you! Awh, you fit so well into my shirt," Chanyeol coos.

Sehun replies with a quick, "Shut up!"

Apparently cleaning up isn’t just the only thing Chanyeol plans to do. When the older takes out a new toothbrush from the cabinet, Sehun makes a loud sigh.

"Brushing teeth before sleep is a must, after all of our hygiene violating activities today," Chanyeol wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yes, mom," Sehun replies flatly and starts brushing his teeth. Chanyeol laughs in response before joining in to brush his own teeth.

After they're done, Chanyeol suddenly runs out and back before Sehun could ask him what happen, an eyeglasses case in his hand. Sehun only stares on at the whole process of Chanyeol removing, storing his contacts safely, then putting on his black rimmed eyeglasses.

"Tada~" Chanyeol spreads open his arms to make a show if it. "Introducing the nerd Park Chanyeol."

Sehun's mouth forms an o, his first time seeing Chanyeol like this. Looking like a nerd indeed. He only nods in acknowledgement, leaving his comment unsaid.

After some adjustment, the sofa bed is ready for them to cuddle and sleep. Sehun is getting clingy, and slightly shivering from the cold, so he tells Chanyeol that cuddling while sleeping is a must, now. Chanyeol gladly, and eagerly, says yes. He takes off his glasses and places them on the table before sliding under the blanket. Sehun follows after him, pressing himself against Chanyeol’s embrace. His cheek is warm and he’s content on Chanyeol's chest. He can hear Chanyeol's slow and calming heartbeat. Best way to sleep, ever.

But just when they start getting comfortable, and Sehun is dozing off, Chanyeol makes a loud gasp.

"What again now?" Sehun asks, irritated.

"I forgot." Chanyeol looks so sad Sehun almost feel bad for raising his voice.

"About what?"

"Dinner! It's.. almost midnight! I promised to make you dinner! Do you want to eat something before bed?"

Too comfortable to move, and not feeling particularly hungry, Sehun only grunts lightly, eyes still closed. "Breakfast," he mutters as an afterthought.

Chanyeol doesn't quite catch him, "What?"

"Breakfast. Let's have breakfast together tomorrow."

 

FIN.


End file.
